2

Daily Active Users

Number of people who visit your app every day. Usually more important than Active Installs.

Joe: We have 10,000,000 installs.

Kal: How many Daily Active Users do you have?

Joe: 100

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie 11 months ago

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3

Psychonauts

People known for microdosing on LSD and spending time in VR

James spends his time microdosing and then exploring the jungle in Panda Simulator VR

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie 12 months ago

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3

Founder Hounder

A guy or girl who sits in bars alone to potentially hook up with startup founders.

That hot girl was only talking to you because you told her that you were the founder of a startup and because she is a founder hounder.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie 12 months ago

3

Silicon Daddy

One of those tech nerds who can shower you with love and money

Mike: Shit! I am going to be late on paying my ridiculous San Francisco rent this month.
Jess: Mike, you should really find yourself a silicon daddy.

Added by SamuellJackson SamuellJackson 12 months ago

3

Nontechnical employee

This is someone who does not care to learn how things are built or suggest how things can be built better.

Nontechnical employee: "I'd help this customer out, but I am nontechnical."

Added by jbark55 jbark55 about 1 year ago

4

Delivery

One of the species of apps that keep getting made. They're really just digitized indexes of local businesses that market their service really well, get cheap couriers, and establish good partnerships with local vendors. They're not quite scalable, but many have become profitable parts of their community (DoorDash, WeDeliver). It is estimated that every year:
Hundreds of thousands of variants of delivery apps are pitched
Thousands are built to an MVP
A couple hundred end up creating a sustainable business around delivering things faster at a local scale

Anna: So what do you do for a living Josh?
Joshua: Oh I own DeliverData, a Delivery app that delivers stuff faster
Anna: That's nifty! At least your company's name makes sense

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 1 year ago

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3

Real Estate

One of the species of apps that keep getting made. They're really just digitized indexes of local landlords shat onto a Google Maps visualization or optimize one or more parts of the leasing process. They're not quite scalable, but many have become profitable parts of their community. It is estimated that every year:
Hundreds of thousands of variants of Real Estate apps are pitched
Thousands are built to an MVP
A couple hundred end up creating a sustainable business around the "digital" part of the Real Estate industry

Jao-lin: So our Real Estate app oversees about $30,000 a month in leasing transactions

Brian: That's actually not trollish for something like this part of the internet

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 1 year ago

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2

Social Media

One of the species of apps that keep getting made. They're really just shitty clones of Facebook and Twitter. I mean if Google couldn't do it, what makes you think you could? It is estimated that every year:
Hundreds of thousands of variants of social media apps are pitched
Thousands are built to an MVP
A couple hundred end up on the app store as different niche apps after the companies pivoted

Alex: Hey Tara, check out my new Social Media app!
Tara: Oohh! Next Facebook right here!

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 1 year ago

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4

Medium

A blogging platform to announce your Incredible Journey.

http://svdictionary.com/words/incredible-journey

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 1 year ago

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3

Does anyone make money around here?

This question means different things depending on who's asking it and when.

1. When customers start asking this, the company is Pre-Revenue.
2. When investors start asking this, it's about to be a Down Round.
3. When the founders start asking this, it's been an Awesome Journey.

1: http://svdictionary.com/words/pre-revenue
2: http://svdictionary.com/words/down-round
3: http://svdictionary.com/words/awesome-journey

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 1 year ago

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3

Housing Bubble

The artificial evolutionary mechanism which causes Silicon Valley to have a strong economy (because of the high density of wealth and talent) while simultaneously creating a permanent homeless problem.

Alicia: Hey, I'm thinking of relocating to the Bay Area. I'll be making $170K and my husband will stay at home to take care of the kids. Do you think that's enough?

Diego: Hmm, well, move into a bad neighborhood, with a 2 hour commute and a shitty school district and you're cooking!

Alicia: Haha, wait.... You're serious?

Diego: Ohh Yea! You'll be cooking a lot too unless you want to spend $15 on a burger. Fast food employees gotta pay rent too! Thanks to this Housing Bubble

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 1 year ago

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3

Down Round

When you spend a borrowed $20, hit your pal up for $10 more, then wonder why your friends stop financing you.

After this, you can become a Zombie Startup [1] or write a Medium post about your Awesome Journey [2].

[1] http://svdictionary.com/words/zombie-startup
[2] http://svdictionary.com/words/awesome-journey

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 1 year ago

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3

Resting and vesting

What you do after your Incredible Journey.

Accelerator -> Pre-Revenue -> Down Round -> Incredible Journey -> Resting and Vesting

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 1 year ago

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3

Incredible Journey

Game over.

We have some exciting news to share! Parse has joined forces with Facebook. It's been an incredible journey, and together we'll be able to offer --

-- lol jk, we're winding down the Parse service, and Parse will be fully retired after a year-long period ending on January 28, 2017. We're proud that we've been able to help so many of you build great mobile apps, but Facebook bought us to kill us. We're just sticking around until we're fully vested. After that, we're out. Fuck those guys.

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 1 year ago

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2

Bachelor's Degree

An academic degree which typically consists of about 40 college classes in a particular field of study. Much like a startup, it is typically either undervalued (by the uneducated) or overvalued (by zealous parents) rather than being appreciated in equanimity as a testament to consistent work under an educational institution. Also known as Peter Thiel's Kryptonite

Harold: So I see that you got a Bachelor's Degree just last year?

Katelyn: Yes, in Electrical Engineering

Harold: Hmm, so can you use Linux?

Katelyn: ...

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 1 year ago

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2

Agile

In a medium-sized and growing company, Agile can be a learning experience for everyone.

BigCo managers learn what it's like to ship tiny things instead of meeting about big things.
Software engineers learn what it's like to have parental supervision.
Early employees learn how to quit while they're ahead.

Manager: "We will remove obstacles from your workflow and refrain from micromanagement."
Engineer: "We will regularly estimate our stories and log our work."
Engineer: "Wait a minute, where's Early Employee?"

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 1 year ago

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3

Lawyer

Bloodsucking parasites which benefit by deriving nutrients at the host's expense.

Founder 1: So what can you do for our company?
Lawyer: Well I can help you incorporate.
Founder 2: Just did that on legal zoom for $250
Lawyer: I, I can help you negotiate term sheets
Founder 2: Just googled everything we need to know about convertible debt
Lawyer: uhh, uhh, I can do other stuff too! Here, look, my finger's not really cut off! See!
Founder 1: Haha, that's nifty. Okay, we'll keep your card
Lawyer: *Desperately* Thank you!
Founder 1: *Flushes card down toilet after meeting*

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 1 year ago

4

Free Food

An excellent fringe benefit that increases employee morale, public image and work culture quality at low cost, it might even allow companies to pay out lower salaries or have better negotiation leverage for new hires.

Goldman Sachs employee: Yeah I go out to eat every so often, but I like to make my own lunch.
Facebook employee: Ha! we get free food every meal at Facebook!
Goldman Sachs employee: I hope you're stuffing it down, cuz all that free food comes out of your bonus pool! I just get a fatter check every year.
Facebook employee: *cries*

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 1 year ago

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4

Career Fair

A time when recruiters try to get commission and college students desperately try to get their first taste of the real world. B.S is at a maximum.

David: Hey did you go to that career fair last week?

Kara: Yeah, gotta look for those jobs

David: Mo money, less problems

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 1 year ago

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4

Convertible Debt

An investment instrument which allows both founders and investors to procrastinate on the most important aspect of a business. Essentially an investment in a flamewar. Both entrepreneur and investor can share the delusion of cutting legal costs by skimping necessary discussions which usually backfire and lead to unfair dilution if the company succeeds or ruined professional and personal relationships when the company fails.

Sam: I just raised a million dollars for my startup, GooberData!

Kayla: Cool, how?

Sam: A convertible note! Hey, where are you going?

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 1 year ago