Adding Wheels To A Moving Car
Expecting the design or development team to scope a feature without definition or complete explanation while the product is being built.
Them: "How long would it take you to add this feature to the product?"
You: "I'm not sure I understand what the product and feature even is, let alone how to estimate it."
Them: "Well, just give me a ballpark..."
You: "That would be like adding wheels to a moving car."
RobotCowboy almost 9 years agoThe Steve Jobs Diet
A dietary regimen containing mostly fruits, nuts, seeds, vegetables and grains with a higher to average ratio of apples and carrots. Absolutely no animal products.
I decided to go on the Steve Jobs Diet because Steve is my icon. That's why there are only apples and carrots in the house.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years agoWho's Hiring
A once-a-month opportunity for startups and tech companies get their grimy hands on the website HackerNews and post their job listings. Qualifications often include being a code ninja (http://svdictionary.com/words/code-ninja) or a 10x engineer (http://svdictionary.com/words/10x-engineer) for little pay and long hours because you get equity, yo.
HackerNews: 'Who's hiring?'
Every startup: 'we are and we're the best bc of culture and stuff, yo.'
zander almost 9 years agoAirbnb Job
Refers to the job of renting out sections of your own apartment or even renting and purchasing new property for the sole purpose of renting out on Airbnb.
Rachel: You told me you didn't have a job.
Tim: Oh, it's an Airbnb job. Not a real job but my closet is fetching $800 a month right now so I make good money.
zazpowered almost 9 years agoRental Property
The only real way to make money in Silicon Valley.
Owning Silicon Valley rental property sure beats working for a living!
FuctCo5K almost 9 years agoMaven
The go-to self-descriptor for social media marketing professionals in their 20-somethings. They, like, totally know social media and can tweet for your brand and stuff. Used interchangeably with guru, expert, ninja, etc.
I went through these résumés and threw out anyone who referred to themselves as a "social media maven."
supernovanGirl almost 9 years agoInnovator
A catch-all euphemism for "douchebag." Frequently used to a) describe one's self in a Twitter bio/LinkedIn headline or b) describe others when you're not really sure what they do exactly, but it probably has something to do with disruption or artisanal donuts or growth hacking or some shit.
Your LinkedIn headline: "Innovator/CEO of Douche, The World's First Ephemeral Craft Beer Wearable."
supernovanGirl almost 9 years agoFreemium
A strategy used by startups to make money by shoving as many people through the top of a funnel as possible and hoping some of them convert into paid users.
Matthew: Right now we have a shitty product that nobody will pay for. Lets release it for free so at least somebody will use it and then we can gradually improve it and charge them for extra services.
zazpowered almost 9 years agoCulture Reset
The CEO's or CTO's reason for firing half of the engineering department.
"Steve, with our new culture reset, we're going to have to let you go. You just didn't fit the culture."
planningtime almost 9 years agoEquity Whore
A startup founder that micro manages company equity to maximize his own ownership but loses sight of more important things.
David: Did you hear? I managed to negotiate that lead engineer down to 0.3%. Now I will have an extra 1%.
Sarah: Stop being such an equity whore, having a smaller piece of something is better than having a large piece of nothing.
zazpowered almost 9 years agoDuck Syndrome
The duck syndrome is where on the surface of things, someone seems normal and are floating along peacefully. However, the truth is that underneath the water the person is paddling feverishly to keep going.
People: Oh dude! Everything in the startup world seems fun!
You: Oh yeah man! I love it, it's super easy. *cries deeply inside*
Spshulem almost 9 years agoRubber Duck Debugging
Many programmers have had the experience of explaining a programming problem to someone else, possibly even to someone who knows nothing about programming, and then hitting upon the solution in the process of explaining the problem. In describing what the code is supposed to do and observing what it actually does, any incongruity between these two becomes apparent.
"Hey dude, are you talking to someone?" Nah dude, I'm just rubber duck debugging. "Oh cool, thought you were crazy."
Spshulem almost 9 years agoPain Points
The parts of your (imagined, potential) customer's business process that makes him/her want to jam their sushi chopsticks up their nose and slam his/her head onto his/her desk.
The parts of your new technology you created that make your customers reach for the chopsticks. They're totally forgotten by you, because your kludge to work around them have become an invisible habit (unknown knowns).
Reporter: "What happened to this one, doc?"
Coroner: "Another double, trans-nasal frontal lobotomy. His pain point was trying to paste an Excel spreadsheet into a web-based ERP system."
FuctCo5K almost 9 years agoEat Your Own Dog Food
Actually using the product that you make.
To realize the users' pain points with your product, you have to eat your own dog food and actually use it.
trescomas almost 9 years agoScrappy
A word used by startup founders to justify the unethical tactics they use to grow their companies.
Jen: Did you really just scrape all of that site's content and then email their users to promote your own website? Omg thats so admirable. You're so scrappy
zazpowered almost 9 years agoDisruptive
An adjective to describe a start-up or technology that thrashes resources in the economy, because causing people to lose their means of income and scotching the value of resources is super fun and awesome.
This disruptive vegetable/fruit-picking technology will help migrant laborers lose their jobs so they can go back to their homeland and get decapitated by drug cartels.
FuctCo5K almost 9 years agoPhone Sleep
Refers to the one hour in bed you will spend checking your phone before you actually go to sleep.
SAT question: If Johnny is a phone sleeper and needs to real sleep by 12am so he can wake up for a 7am interview what time does he need to get to bed?
zazpowered almost 9 years agoBig Company Utopia
Refers to the type of environment that big companies such as Facebook and Google create for their employees. This includes free dinner and lunch, mini fridges filled with $8 a bottle cold pressed juices, organic everything, shuttles to and from work and even mobile hair salons waiting for you outside in the parking lot. Meanwhile a small startup might get a water fountain that will work half the time.
Tiffany: I heard Facebook stocks their fridge with kombucha. What the hell. I want that. I don't even get paid as much.
zazpowered almost 9 years agoReverse Communism
When money is taken from venture capitalists and other wealthy types, and given to coders. Profitability is a vague thing that will happen sometime in the distant future (maybe).
In 1991 communism was defeated, only four years later, the spectre of Reverse Communism haunted the SF bay area from 1995 until the spring of 2001.
FuctCo5K almost 9 years agoSingle Point of Failure
When your start-up has only one unisex toilet for the whole building.
Our single point of failure is backed up to "the cloud" (or "the butt")
FuctCo5K almost 9 years ago