People Definitions

59

Non-technical Cofounder

A Wharton MBA who will overestimate the value of his idea and underestimate the value of the person who will implement it. Often wonders why his technical cofounders leave him and the apps they build look like shit and get hacked all the time.

Non-technical Cofounder: Why do all these technical cofounders leave me? Did they not see the MBA from Wharton in my email? I'm telling you right now, I know how to write a business plan. I even offered the last guy 10% of my company.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

55

Engineer Unicorn

An engineer that is competent, good looking, dresses well and is not socially awkward.

John: How come no other engineers are like David?
Mary: He's an engineer unicorn. They are rare.

Added by pygmyknight pygmyknight over 4 years ago

52

Early Employee

A founder who will take 1% of the company instead of 25%. This is a polite way of saying "sucker."

CEO: "We couldn't have done it without a few great early employees."

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne over 4 years ago

35

Brogrammer

When you mix your typical engineer with your typical frat boy. The official heuristic to identify a brogrammer in your organization is when you can't tell whether the suspect is part of your engineering team or your sales team.

David: I originally thought Kilim was a programmer but he's been popping his collar and talking a lot. Is he a brogrammer?

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

33

Code Ninja

A euphemism that is used by Bay Area recruiters who don't actually know what in specific they want in a Software Engineer, just someone who can pretty much do everything and anything that's handed to them.

We're looking to recruit the best Code Ninjas possible for our startup of 4 currently employed non-technical founders. Free pizza will be provided on Wednesdays.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 4 years ago

30

Buzzfeed Writer

A mediocre writer, but decent list builder. Their article titles usually follow the model: [Number] [Subject] So [Hyperbole] You [Claim]

10 Clickbaity Titles So Enticing You Have To Click

Added by svpro svpro over 4 years ago

28

Silicon Valley Billionaire

Silicon Valley Billionaires tend to be younger, poorer dressed and generally less douchey than billionaires from other areas. Some are so poorly dressed that it is often hard to distinguish one from a hobo. In New York, a 23 year old scrawny male with t-shirt and jeans might be told to fuck off at a Lambourhini dealership but the same thing would never happen in Silicon Valley.

Sales person: Do you think I should even talk to that guy over there. It doesn't look like he can afford a car.
2nd sales person: That's Mark Zuckerberg

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

27

10x Engineer

A concept sometimes used in Silicon Valley to describe an engineer that is 10x more productive than an average engineer although the 10x metric is figurative. Sometimes referred to as "Ninjas", these engineers are highly sought after by all tech companies.

Jim: You gave me 100 resumes but none of these guys are 10x engineers. Why hire a few of these guys to slow us down when a 10x engineer is so much more productive?

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

20

Technical Founder

A 5.0 student from MIT, the technical founder is a lone wolf who thinks business people are completely useless. You're a social media manager? Get the fuck out of here. His code is perfectly architected, clean and commented in all the right places. His startups fail because he doesn't think writing CSS is worth his time and his sites look like shit as a result.

Technical founder: I was almost about to team up with a non-technical cofounder but then he told me he wanted a user interface to manage our sites content.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

15

Uber Driver Engineer

A label that describes a lot of Uber drivers. When you talk to one they will tell you they are trying to learn how to code, build an app and start a company. Uber is only now, startup is future. The passenger will encourage the driver but deep down inside they don't think its happening.

Because of the success of Uber there has been an influx of Uber Driver Engineers trying to start their own companies.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

15

Facebook Friend

Somebody you met in real life once who is useful for increasing your friend count and possibly the like counts of your latest selfies but likely someone you will never talk to again.

"I don't know who Jane is but she's liking my photos so she stays."

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

14

Thiel Fellow

A student under the age of 20 handpicked by Peter Thiel to drop out of college and start a company.

I dropped out of MIT because Peter Thiel just gave me a $100,000 to realize my dream of creating a social network for dogs.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 4 years ago

12

IE Troll

A person who purposely uses Internet Explorer in front of others and claims that it is the superior browser on the market, to either mock another person or make it seem like they are completely incompetent.

Jack is an IE troll who gets girls to help him install chrome because he is "so bad" at using computers.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 4 years ago

12

Imagineer

A term given to creative people employed at Pixar and Disney. When engineers say that they are imagineers, people tend to figure out they work at Pixar and a part of their soul dies after digesting what they've said.

Justin: I'm a software engineer at TubeMogul. What do you do?
Dave: Well I'm glad you asked! I'm an IMAGINEER at Pixar...wait where are you going?

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 4 years ago

11

Nomad

An entrepreneur or remote employee that can work and travel all around the world because the only things they need to be productive are internet and laptop.

Last year I had an amazing experience as a nomad working out of Starbucks in over 30 countries.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

10

MD Daydreamer

A doctor who has passive regrets on his life choices and wonders on the inside whether he or she had what it took to start his or her own business. They makes it a priority to take the opportunity to pitch patients who work in software (regardless of what company they work for) in between his or her diagnosis and sometimes at dinner parties.

I stopped going to Dr. Jacobson who is an MD Daydreamer. He always pitches me his idea for canine heart monitors that sends out tweets once a day.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 4 years ago

10

Thought Leader

How somebody without any real skills describes themselves. The phrase itself is self explanatory.

Matthew: tell us why we should hire you
Kilim: I am a thought leader in the area of SAAS
Matthew: what does that even mean
Kilim: I am a thought leader

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

9

*Insert Noun Here* Enthusiast

A description often used in online social blogging bios that superficially attempts to showcase aspects of one's personality that one wants others to remember them for. Many times these descriptions are used to compensate for lack of knowledge or experience in that very same area.

Hi my name is Homer, I'm a Ruby on Rails enthusiast, cat owner, and a tech aficionado living in the Bay Area. I do marketing for Lyft.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 4 years ago

9

Equity Whore

A startup founder that micro manages company equity to maximize his own ownership but loses sight of more important things.

David: Did you hear? I managed to negotiate that lead engineer down to 0.3%. Now I will have an extra 1%.
Sarah: Stop being such an equity whore, having a smaller piece of something is better than having a large piece of nothing.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

9

Backseat Investor

An investor who will never tell you no, but will wait for a lead investor to commit so he can take a backseat and ride the return train. They always tell you to keep them informed with your project without ever providing active help.

I thought Cody would be a generous investor after his company got acquired, but instead he's just another backseat investor waiting for a bigger fish to bite.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 4 years ago