People Definitions
Genius
Someone who works at an Apple Genius Bar to fix and teach you how to use your Macbooks and iPhones
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zazpowered over 8 years agoData Scientist
A statistician who lives in the Bay Area.
Q: How many Data Scientists does it take to implement a Spark stack?
A: All of them, since at first they tend to have a Hive mind.
justpivot over 8 years agoCollege Dropout
A complete wildcard. They are either genius level smart or are biting off more they can chew. In the case of the latter, they have either watched too many Peter Thiel talks that didn't apply to them, watched The Social Network more than 2 times, or are not familiar with the terms on this website.
Like I used to go to Davis, but now I'm a college dropout. It's just that school was holding me back you know? Like Zuck in the Social Network, I'm just way smarter than everyone and girls don't get me. I got my iPod on Kanye West's College Dropout album too cuz that's what I relate too and he's pretty much singing about me.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years agoCollege Dropout
Somebody who tries to follow in the footsteps of Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates but will most likely end up working drive-thu at Mcdonald's
Tim: "I'm about to drop out and start a company like Bill Gates; this is going to be amazing."
Jim: "Gates dropped out of Harvard and had good plans for what he wanted to do. You're dropping out of community college because you hate school. I don't think it's going to work out."
zazpowered almost 9 years agoFacebook Friend
Somebody you met in real life once who is useful for increasing your friend count and possibly the like counts of your latest selfies but likely someone you will never talk to again.
"I don't know who Jane is but she's liking my photos so she stays."
zazpowered almost 9 years agoBuzzfeed Writer
A mediocre writer, but decent list builder. Their article titles usually follow the model: [Number] [Subject] So [Hyperbole] You [Claim]
10 Clickbaity Titles So Enticing You Have To Click
svpro almost 9 years agoLOL
WOW
#7 will blow your mind.
Imagineer
A term given to creative people employed at Pixar and Disney. When engineers say that they are imagineers, people tend to figure out they work at Pixar and a part of their soul dies after digesting what they've said.
Justin: I'm a software engineer at TubeMogul. What do you do?
Dave: Well I'm glad you asked! I'm an IMAGINEER at Pixar...wait where are you going?
yungsnuggie almost 9 years agoNomad
An entrepreneur or remote employee that can work and travel all around the world because the only things they need to be productive are internet and laptop.
Last year I had an amazing experience as a nomad working out of Starbucks in over 30 countries.
zazpowered almost 9 years agoDigital Nomad
@koqoo true. I should change it
Junior Software Engineer
An engineer that fixes bugs and writes tests.
Tim: I've just been fixing typos and writing tests for all the shitty code other engineers are putting out. When will I do real work?
Harold: Shut up and keep working
zazpowered almost 9 years ago
Technical Social Media Manager
Somebody who in addition to being able to retweet and favorite tweets mentioning their company's name also knows basic HTML.
I've managed to carve a nice niche for myself by learning how to bold text using html
zazpowered almost 9 years agoJared
A forgettable person. Often boring but quite intelligent, but usually so socially awkward that a person's mind will naturally attempt to suppress any memory of interactions with 'Jared'. This further contributes to Jared's forgettability.
Bill: "Jared, what's the status of the new payments module?"
Jared: "My name is David.. and the module is finished, daily revenue is up by 86% "
Bill: "Really? that's great! thanks Jared I'll let everyone know."
benjamin_james almost 9 years agoTech Lobbyist
A person whose job it is to lobby for big tech corporations like Google, Facebook, Apple, etc. Their work increasingly involves pushing congress and local government to enact laws that they barely understand anyway dealing with topics like cyber security, dragnet surveillance, and online constitutional issues.
After finishing school at Berkeley, Jim became a tech lobbyist for Facebook approving laws with technical jargon that most congressmen aren't familiar with anyway.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years agoWith the FTC breathing down its neck, Google has stepped up its lobbying spend in the last year, shelling out $4.03 million in 2009. That's up 44% from the year prior. Despite the growth, Google's lobbying spend remains relatively small. Microsoft spent $6.7 million in 2009. Comcast spent $12.6 and AT&T spent $14.7 million. We decided to take a look at lobbying from tech companies after we ran a chart looking at ad spending for tech companies. (For what it's worth, Google's lobbying is half what it spends on advertising.) Our lobbying data comes from the Senate Office of Public Affairs database. We also graphed lobbying spend as a percent of revenue. Interestingly, of the companies we looked at, ebay spends the least on lobbying as percent of revenue. Guess that's the advantage of not dominating any market, other than mp3 players
sorry ..... correction ( in above comment istead of apple it was mistyped as ebay)
Office Kitchen Thief
1st Definition: Somebody who takes food or drink from their startup's kitchen with the intention to consume it at home versus at the workplace. Not a real thief.
2nd Definition: Somebody who takes food or drink labeled with one of their coworkers' names.
Bob: My Instacart delivery isn't going to come in time. I'm going to be a office kitchen thief for today and just grab a few things
zazpowered almost 9 years agoTimid Sales Rep
The Timid Sales Rep is completely honest about the SAAS product he is selling, not pushy and never raising his voice. He also misses quota most of the time.
Sales Rep: How did I do on that call?
Sales manager: Why the hell were you speaking so softly? Also I know the base package only allows 10 users but you need to kludge it a little. Just tell them 15 to close the deal.
zazpowered almost 9 years agoBackseat Investor
An investor who will never tell you no, but will wait for a lead investor to commit so he can take a backseat and ride the return train. They always tell you to keep them informed with your project without ever providing active help.
I thought Cody would be a generous investor after his company got acquired, but instead he's just another backseat investor waiting for a bigger fish to bite.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years ago*Insert Noun Here* Enthusiast
A description often used in online social blogging bios that superficially attempts to showcase aspects of one's personality that one wants others to remember them for. Many times these descriptions are used to compensate for lack of knowledge or experience in that very same area.
Hi my name is Homer, I'm a Ruby on Rails enthusiast, cat owner, and a tech aficionado living in the Bay Area. I do marketing for Lyft.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years agoHardware Engineer
A generally hardworking engineer who works on designing and building physical products after years of dedication to a certain field.
Mistakes they make are very costly since they can't recompile or release a hotfix
Software engineer: I always wanted to do hardware but I heard it is tough Hardware engineer: If it was easy it would be called easyware!
Mrandrewandrade almost 9 years agoTech Aficionado
A person who is insecure about their superficial knowledge in software, hardware and technology in general, but really wants to fit in. It's a description often used in online social blogging bios.
Hi my name is Homer, I'm a sushi enthusiast, cat owner, and a tech aficionado living in the Bay Area. I do marketing for Uber.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years agoMD Daydreamer
A doctor who has passive regrets on his life choices and wonders on the inside whether he or she had what it took to start his or her own business. They makes it a priority to take the opportunity to pitch patients who work in software (regardless of what company they work for) in between his or her diagnosis and sometimes at dinner parties.
I stopped going to Dr. Jacobson who is an MD Daydreamer. He always pitches me his idea for canine heart monitors that sends out tweets once a day.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years agoEquity Whore
A startup founder that micro manages company equity to maximize his own ownership but loses sight of more important things.
David: Did you hear? I managed to negotiate that lead engineer down to 0.3%. Now I will have an extra 1%.
Sarah: Stop being such an equity whore, having a smaller piece of something is better than having a large piece of nothing.
zazpowered almost 9 years ago
Wyle E. Coyote is a super genius.