People Definitions

4

Genius

Someone who works at an Apple Genius Bar to fix and teach you how to use your Macbooks and iPhones

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

5

Data Scientist

A statistician who lives in the Bay Area.

Q: How many Data Scientists does it take to implement a Spark stack?
A: All of them, since at first they tend to have a Hive mind.

Added by justpivot justpivot over 2 years ago

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5

College Dropout

A complete wildcard. They are either genius level smart or are biting off more they can chew. In the case of the latter, they have either watched too many Peter Thiel talks that didn't apply to them, watched The Social Network more than 2 times, or are not familiar with the terms on this website.

Like I used to go to Davis, but now I'm a college dropout. It's just that school was holding me back you know? Like Zuck in the Social Network, I'm just way smarter than everyone and girls don't get me. I got my iPod on Kanye West's College Dropout album too cuz that's what I relate too and he's pretty much singing about me.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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4

College Dropout

Somebody who tries to follow in the footsteps of Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates but will most likely end up working drive-thu at Mcdonald's

Tim: "I'm about to drop out and start a company like Bill Gates; this is going to be amazing."
Jim: "Gates dropped out of Harvard and had good plans for what he wanted to do. You're dropping out of community college because you hate school. I don't think it's going to work out."

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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14

Facebook Friend

Somebody you met in real life once who is useful for increasing your friend count and possibly the like counts of your latest selfies but likely someone you will never talk to again.

"I don't know who Jane is but she's liking my photos so she stays."

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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27

Buzzfeed Writer

A mediocre writer, but decent list builder. Their article titles usually follow the model: [Number] [Subject] So [Hyperbole] You [Claim]

10 Clickbaity Titles So Enticing You Have To Click

Added by svpro svpro over 2 years ago

11

Imagineer

A term given to creative people employed at Pixar and Disney. When engineers say that they are imagineers, people tend to figure out they work at Pixar and a part of their soul dies after digesting what they've said.

Justin: I'm a software engineer at TubeMogul. What do you do?
Dave: Well I'm glad you asked! I'm an IMAGINEER at Pixar...wait where are you going?

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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11

Nomad

An entrepreneur or remote employee that can work and travel all around the world because the only things they need to be productive are internet and laptop.

Last year I had an amazing experience as a nomad working out of Starbucks in over 30 countries.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

7

Junior Software Engineer

An engineer that fixes bugs and writes tests.

Tim: I've just been fixing typos and writing tests for all the shitty code other engineers are putting out. When will I do real work?
Harold: Shut up and keep working

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

  • memobug memobug

    the example doesn't use the term

    1
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    over 2 years ago
  • chipchop chipchop

    @memobug true. For some definitions using the actual word made the example flow a little worse so I leave it out if it's obvious. What do you think?

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    over 2 years ago
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6

Technical Social Media Manager

Somebody who in addition to being able to retweet and favorite tweets mentioning their company's name also knows basic HTML.

I've managed to carve a nice niche for myself by learning how to bold text using html

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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5

Jared

A forgettable person. Often boring but quite intelligent, but usually so socially awkward that a person's mind will naturally attempt to suppress any memory of interactions with 'Jared'. This further contributes to Jared's forgettability.

Bill: "Jared, what's the status of the new payments module?"
Jared: "My name is David.. and the module is finished, daily revenue is up by 86% "
Bill: "Really? that's great! thanks Jared I'll let everyone know."

Added by benjamin_james benjamin_james over 2 years ago

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5

Tech Lobbyist

A person whose job it is to lobby for big tech corporations like Google, Facebook, Apple, etc. Their work increasingly involves pushing congress and local government to enact laws that they barely understand anyway dealing with topics like cyber security, dragnet surveillance, and online constitutional issues.

After finishing school at Berkeley, Jim became a tech lobbyist for Facebook approving laws with technical jargon that most congressmen aren't familiar with anyway.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

  • blog blog

    With the FTC breathing down its neck, Google has stepped up its lobbying spend in the last year, shelling out $4.03 million in 2009. That's up 44% from the year prior. Despite the growth, Google's lobbying spend remains relatively small. Microsoft spent $6.7 million in 2009. Comcast spent $12.6 and AT&T spent $14.7 million. We decided to take a look at lobbying from tech companies after we ran a chart looking at ad spending for tech companies. (For what it's worth, Google's lobbying is half what it spends on advertising.) Our lobbying data comes from the Senate Office of Public Affairs database. We also graphed lobbying spend as a percent of revenue. Interestingly, of the companies we looked at, ebay spends the least on lobbying as percent of revenue. Guess that's the advantage of not dominating any market, other than mp3 players

    1
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    over 2 years ago
  • blog blog

    sorry ..... correction ( in above comment istead of apple it was mistyped as ebay)

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    over 2 years ago
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3

Timid Sales Rep

The Timid Sales Rep is completely honest about the SAAS product he is selling, not pushy and never raising his voice. He also misses quota most of the time.

Sales Rep: How did I do on that call?
Sales manager: Why the hell were you speaking so softly? Also I know the base package only allows 10 users but you need to kludge it a little. Just tell them 15 to close the deal.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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5

Office Kitchen Thief

1st Definition: Somebody who takes food or drink from their startup's kitchen with the intention to consume it at home versus at the workplace. Not a real thief.
2nd Definition: Somebody who takes food or drink labeled with one of their coworkers' names.

Bob: My Instacart delivery isn't going to come in time. I'm going to be a office kitchen thief for today and just grab a few things

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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9

Backseat Investor

An investor who will never tell you no, but will wait for a lead investor to commit so he can take a backseat and ride the return train. They always tell you to keep them informed with your project without ever providing active help.

I thought Cody would be a generous investor after his company got acquired, but instead he's just another backseat investor waiting for a bigger fish to bite.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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9

*Insert Noun Here* Enthusiast

A description often used in online social blogging bios that superficially attempts to showcase aspects of one's personality that one wants others to remember them for. Many times these descriptions are used to compensate for lack of knowledge or experience in that very same area.

Hi my name is Homer, I'm a Ruby on Rails enthusiast, cat owner, and a tech aficionado living in the Bay Area. I do marketing for Lyft.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

  • matagin matagin

    What "type of" day are you having?

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    24 days ago
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5

Hardware Engineer

A generally hardworking engineer who works on designing and building physical products after years of dedication to a certain field.

Mistakes they make are very costly since they can't recompile or release a hotfix

Software engineer: I always wanted to do hardware but I heard it is tough

Hardware engineer: If it was easy it would be called easyware!

Added by Mrandrewandrade Mrandrewandrade over 2 years ago

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7

Tech Aficionado

A person who is insecure about their superficial knowledge in software, hardware and technology in general, but really wants to fit in. It's a description often used in online social blogging bios.

Hi my name is Homer, I'm a sushi enthusiast, cat owner, and a tech aficionado living in the Bay Area. I do marketing for Uber.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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10

MD Daydreamer

A doctor who has passive regrets on his life choices and wonders on the inside whether he or she had what it took to start his or her own business. They makes it a priority to take the opportunity to pitch patients who work in software (regardless of what company they work for) in between his or her diagnosis and sometimes at dinner parties.

I stopped going to Dr. Jacobson who is an MD Daydreamer. He always pitches me his idea for canine heart monitors that sends out tweets once a day.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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9

Equity Whore

A startup founder that micro manages company equity to maximize his own ownership but loses sight of more important things.

David: Did you hear? I managed to negotiate that lead engineer down to 0.3%. Now I will have an extra 1%.
Sarah: Stop being such an equity whore, having a smaller piece of something is better than having a large piece of nothing.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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