employeeNumbaOne
employeeNumbaOne (139)

54

Fuck you money

When you make enough money from a startup or job that you can basically do whatever you want. Usually from equity after a liquidity event.

Engineering manager: Congrats on the IPO everybody. See you guys on Monday.
Engineer: I'm not sure about that
Manager: You think you can do whatever you want now you have that fuck you money?
Engineer: Sorry sir. I just got a little excited

Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

6

McKinsey

A mythical land where MBAs come into our world.

"I just left McKinsey and moved to San Francisco"

Added by hello hello over 4 years ago

    33

    Awesome Journey

    Used when a startup has failed. Intend to give a positive spin on what is a gut wrenching moment.

    While our startup has failed, it has been an awesome journey.

    Added by beenpoor beenpoor almost 5 years ago

    59

    Non-technical Cofounder

    A Wharton MBA who will overestimate the value of his idea and underestimate the value of the person who will implement it. Often wonders why his technical cofounders leave him and the apps they build look like shit and get hacked all the time.

    Non-technical Cofounder: Why do all these technical cofounders leave me? Did they not see the MBA from Wharton in my email? I'm telling you right now, I know how to write a business plan. I even offered the last guy 10% of my company.

    Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

    6

    Tech Stars

    An incubator people apply to when getting rejected from YC. They aren't definitively worst it just always happens to be your second choice every time.

    I gotta move to Boston now that we got into Tech Stars and need a semi reputable incubator.

    Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 5 years ago

      4

      Career Fair

      A time when recruiters try to get commission and college students desperately try to get their first taste of the real world. B.S is at a maximum.

      David: Hey did you go to that career fair last week?

      Kara: Yeah, gotta look for those jobs

      David: Mo money, less problems

      Added by willgr81 willgr81 almost 4 years ago

        9

        Work From Home

        A synonym of "Sit at home eating chips while watching TV"

        Chris: Hey boss. Can I work from home on Tuesday?
        Boss: Let me know if last weeks episode is worth watching

        Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

          2

          Cloud

          A descriptive word given to something that is running on someone else's computer.

          We will run our product in the cloud, so it is accessible to users on the internet.

          Added by slushieman slushieman almost 5 years ago

            6

            Deliverables

            A startup uses this word when it's no longer a startup

            "Hey congrats on the series B!"
            "Thanks! Are your deliverables in yet?"

            Added by orien orien almost 5 years ago

            5

            Resting and vesting

            When you have equity in a company that hasn't fully vested yet and stay at the company even though you have no real role there.

            Matthew: Why are you on the roof park all the time, aren't you the VP of marketing?
            Hemant: Yes but that's just a title. I'm really resting and vesting

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66I7Mhkkl64

            Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

              9

              Solving Own Problem

              A bullshit story founders present to lie on how they arrived at their product.

              We built datemycate app because we wanted to solve our own problem to help our cat find a date. He was very horny all the time and was always flirty with my girlfriend.

              Added by beenpoor beenpoor almost 5 years ago

                6

                Amazon

                A company that sells groceries to the lazy, stock shares to the gullible, and cloud services to the lazy and gullible.

                Amazon: because I want to buy my underwear and Redis clusters from the same company.

                Added by firasd firasd almost 5 years ago

                  7

                  This is Uber

                  What a passenger will say to turn down their Uber driver when he attempts to start a conversion or expects a fist bump. This happens because of the high percentage of Uber drivers that also drive for Lyft.

                  Driver: Man the weather is really nice today. Where are you headed?
                  Chris: This is Uber.

                  Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

                    4

                    Zen

                    A common company name prefix and word bastardized by Silicon Valley startups, usually chosen to give new users a false sense of comfort for their soulless product.

                    I love using ZenPayRoll And ZenBox. I just feel so at peace when using their product.

                    Added by GoogleEngineer GoogleEngineer over 4 years ago

                      46

                      This changes everything

                      Nothing has changed. Pure marketing

                      See http://svdictionary.com/words/changing-the-world

                      Introducing the iPhone 4. This changes everything.

                      Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

                      • charlesjo charlesjo

                        Love it. Although, I did love my iPhone 4S. And it still runs like ALL Apple products I have ever owned!

                        2
                        Reply
                        over 4 years ago
                      • thepaleking thepaleking

                        Doesn't change much to be honest, 99% marketing 1% decent phone

                        2
                        Reply
                        over 4 years ago
                      30

                      Buzzfeed Writer

                      A mediocre writer, but decent list builder. Their article titles usually follow the model: [Number] [Subject] So [Hyperbole] You [Claim]

                      10 Clickbaity Titles So Enticing You Have To Click

                      Added by svpro svpro over 4 years ago

                      35

                      Brogrammer

                      When you mix your typical engineer with your typical frat boy. The official heuristic to identify a brogrammer in your organization is when you can't tell whether the suspect is part of your engineering team or your sales team.

                      David: I originally thought Kilim was a programmer but he's been popping his collar and talking a lot. Is he a brogrammer?

                      Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

                      • bkelly bkelly

                        More useful information for problogrammer here IBM

                        1
                        Reply
                        almost 4 years ago
                      19

                      Making the world a better place

                      Solving a very specific problem that loosely translates into a social benefit.

                      We are making the world a better place through P2P iBeacon messaging platforms.

                      Added by dennis dennis over 4 years ago

                      • charlesjo charlesjo

                        Look at how much time sink we've created for evil people... with Reddit.

                        1
                        Reply
                        over 4 years ago
                      4

                      Convertible Debt

                      An investment instrument which allows both founders and investors to procrastinate on the most important aspect of a business. Essentially an investment in a flamewar. Both entrepreneur and investor can share the delusion of cutting legal costs by skimping necessary discussions which usually backfire and lead to unfair dilution if the company succeeds or ruined professional and personal relationships when the company fails.

                      Sam: I just raised a million dollars for my startup, GooberData!

                      Kayla: Cool, how?

                      Sam: A convertible note! Hey, where are you going?

                      Added by willgr81 willgr81 almost 4 years ago

                      6

                      Pre-Revenue

                      The bullshit an entrepreneur spews to investors to convince them of a high valuation since the seed money will allow the startup to grow immeasurably. Usually followed by more bullshit, greater valuations and eventually and a low revenue to evaluation ratio and companies which never attain revenues to justify their evaluation.

                      Currently the greatest contribution to the startup bubble.

                      Person A: How can that startup afford golden toilets and helicopter rides to work?

                      Person B: Of course they can, they are pre-revenue and focusing on growth!

                      Added by JonWilkins JonWilkins over 4 years ago