employeeNumbaOne
employeeNumbaOne (137)

53

Fuck you money

When you make enough money from a startup or job that you can basically do whatever you want. Usually from equity after a liquidity event.

Engineering manager: Congrats on the IPO everybody. See you guys on Monday.
Engineer: I'm not sure about that
Manager: You think you can do whatever you want now you have that fuck you money?
Engineer: Sorry sir. I just got a little excited

Added by zazpowered zazpowered about 4 years ago

6

McKinsey

A mythical land where MBAs come into our world.

"I just left McKinsey and moved to San Francisco"

Added by hello hello about 4 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
33

Awesome Journey

Used when a startup has failed. Intend to give a positive spin on what is a gut wrenching moment.

While our startup has failed, it has been an awesome journey.

Added by beenpoor beenpoor about 4 years ago

57

Non-technical Cofounder

A Wharton MBA who will overestimate the value of his idea and underestimate the value of the person who will implement it. Often wonders why his technical cofounders leave him and the apps they build look like shit and get hacked all the time.

Non-technical Cofounder: Why do all these technical cofounders leave me? Did they not see the MBA from Wharton in my email? I'm telling you right now, I know how to write a business plan. I even offered the last guy 10% of my company.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered about 4 years ago

4

Career Fair

A time when recruiters try to get commission and college students desperately try to get their first taste of the real world. B.S is at a maximum.

David: Hey did you go to that career fair last week?

Kara: Yeah, gotta look for those jobs

David: Mo money, less problems

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 3 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
9

Work From Home

A synonym of "Sit at home eating chips while watching TV"

Chris: Hey boss. Can I work from home on Tuesday?
Boss: Let me know if last weeks episode is worth watching

Added by zazpowered zazpowered about 4 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
2

Cloud

A descriptive word given to something that is running on someone else's computer.

We will run our product in the cloud, so it is accessible to users on the internet.

Added by slushieman slushieman about 4 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
6

Deliverables

A startup uses this word when it's no longer a startup

"Hey congrats on the series B!"
"Thanks! Are your deliverables in yet?"

Added by orien orien about 4 years ago

6

Tech Stars

An incubator people apply to when getting rejected from YC. They aren't definitively worst it just always happens to be your second choice every time.

I gotta move to Boston now that we got into Tech Stars and need a semi reputable incubator.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 4 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
5

Resting and vesting

When you have equity in a company that hasn't fully vested yet and stay at the company even though you have no real role there.

Matthew: Why are you on the roof park all the time, aren't you the VP of marketing?
Hemant: Yes but that's just a title. I'm really resting and vesting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66I7Mhkkl64

Added by zazpowered zazpowered about 4 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
9

Solving Own Problem

A bullshit story founders present to lie on how they arrived at their product.

We built datemycate app because we wanted to solve our own problem to help our cat find a date. He was very horny all the time and was always flirty with my girlfriend.

Added by beenpoor beenpoor about 4 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
6

Amazon

A company that sells groceries to the lazy, stock shares to the gullible, and cloud services to the lazy and gullible.

Amazon: because I want to buy my underwear and Redis clusters from the same company.

Added by firasd firasd about 4 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
7

This is Uber

What a passenger will say to turn down their Uber driver when he attempts to start a conversion or expects a fist bump. This happens because of the high percentage of Uber drivers that also drive for Lyft.

Driver: Man the weather is really nice today. Where are you headed?
Chris: This is Uber.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered about 4 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
4

Zen

A common company name prefix and word bastardized by Silicon Valley startups, usually chosen to give new users a false sense of comfort for their soulless product.

I love using ZenPayRoll And ZenBox. I just feel so at peace when using their product.

Added by GoogleEngineer GoogleEngineer almost 4 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
46

This changes everything

Nothing has changed. Pure marketing

See http://svdictionary.com/words/changing-the-world

Introducing the iPhone 4. This changes everything.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered about 4 years ago

30

Buzzfeed Writer

A mediocre writer, but decent list builder. Their article titles usually follow the model: [Number] [Subject] So [Hyperbole] You [Claim]

10 Clickbaity Titles So Enticing You Have To Click

Added by svpro svpro about 4 years ago

35

Brogrammer

When you mix your typical engineer with your typical frat boy. The official heuristic to identify a brogrammer in your organization is when you can't tell whether the suspect is part of your engineering team or your sales team.

David: I originally thought Kilim was a programmer but he's been popping his collar and talking a lot. Is he a brogrammer?

Added by zazpowered zazpowered about 4 years ago

19

Making the world a better place

Solving a very specific problem that loosely translates into a social benefit.

We are making the world a better place through P2P iBeacon messaging platforms.

Added by dennis dennis about 4 years ago

  • charlesjo charlesjo

    Look at how much time sink we've created for evil people... with Reddit.

    1
    Reply
    about 4 years ago
  • Login to leave a comment.
4

Convertible Debt

An investment instrument which allows both founders and investors to procrastinate on the most important aspect of a business. Essentially an investment in a flamewar. Both entrepreneur and investor can share the delusion of cutting legal costs by skimping necessary discussions which usually backfire and lead to unfair dilution if the company succeeds or ruined professional and personal relationships when the company fails.

Sam: I just raised a million dollars for my startup, GooberData!

Kayla: Cool, how?

Sam: A convertible note! Hey, where are you going?

Added by willgr81 willgr81 about 3 years ago

6

Pre-Revenue

The bullshit an entrepreneur spews to investors to convince them of a high valuation since the seed money will allow the startup to grow immeasurably. Usually followed by more bullshit, greater valuations and eventually and a low revenue to evaluation ratio and companies which never attain revenues to justify their evaluation.

Currently the greatest contribution to the startup bubble.

Person A: How can that startup afford golden toilets and helicopter rides to work?

Person B: Of course they can, they are pre-revenue and focusing on growth!

Added by JonWilkins JonWilkins about 4 years ago