JonWilkins
JonWilkins (26)

15

Big Data

When your database takes at least 2 minutes to export to a CSV.

Engineer: "Our mongo collection hit 1 million records a few moments ago."
Hiring Manager: "Great, now I can post this position for a Big Data Engineer on Hacker News."

Added by planningtime planningtime over 7 years ago

    5

    Hack Hacking

    There are multiple definitions:
    1) The process of hacking a hack - the good
    2) The process of hacking off a hacker or hack (loser) - the bad
    3) The process of hacking a hacker - the ugly

    Depending on how you use this term you're either doing something:
    1) Good - hacks are usually good, but if you're hacking a hack, it means you're trying to improve it
    2) Bad - killing people is never a good thing, no matter if they're a good hacker, bad backer, or hack of a human being
    3) Ugly - improving people is always a good endeavour, but it can get ugly because the hacker may already be the good kind of hacker. But even still, improving another human being is always a very subjectively ugly thing to do.

    Person A - man what a world, we've got hacking, growth hacking, life hacking, travel hacking, productivity hacking, what's next?
    Person B - Hack Hacking!
    Person A - Is this anything similar to Smart Smart or Techtech?
    Person B - No don't worry, but I have to ask, which demo would you prefer? The Good, the Bad, or the Ugly version?
    Person A - Um, the Good of course!
    Person B - Man, you're no fun! "begrudgingly hides the axe he had behind his back into his backpack and brings out an algorithm that improves on a previously innovative algorithm that calculates how fast a human being can jerk off 4 dudes at once"

    Added by tosfan4ever tosfan4ever over 7 years ago

      9

      Janitor at startup

      The title an asshole CEO (generally a sole founder) puts on their Linkedin title to show they have the ability to fire anybody.

      Random dude: Where do you work?
      Albert: I am at the greatest game company around called BigVikingGames
      Random dude: Cool, what do you do there?
      Albert: I am the janitor, I just take out the trash!
      Random dude: cool story bro

      Added by timferris timferris over 7 years ago

        5

        Hardware Engineer

        A generally hardworking engineer who works on designing and building physical products after years of dedication to a certain field.

        Mistakes they make are very costly since they can't recompile or release a hotfix

        Software engineer: I always wanted to do hardware but I heard it is tough

        Hardware engineer: If it was easy it would be called easyware!

        Added by Mrandrewandrade Mrandrewandrade over 7 years ago