svhunt
svhunt (108)

5

Futurist

A futurist uses their semi-egotistically driven foresight to describe what could happen in the future. Because they are exposed to very early versions of new technology and believe they hold a strong grasp on the insights of the human condition, they channel their sagely ways via often ignored online blog posts, tweets, and books that are rarely read.

Jane: VR is pretty cool isn't it?

Futurist: STAHP RIGHT THERE. HERE IS WHAT SHALL HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE. WE SHALL ALL USE VR TO COMMUNINCATE WITH PEOPLE. THERE WILL BE NO MORE NEED FOR PEOPLE TO FLY AROUND THE WORLD TO MEET EACH OTHER. THEY WILL MEET ON THE INTERNET USING BODY SCANS AND FACIAL RECOGNITION. THE POPULATION OF HUMANS WILL DECREASE BECAUSE VR WILL MAKE VIRTUAL SEX MORE ACCESSIBLE THAN REAL SEX. WE ARE ON THE CUSP OF RADICAL HUMAN CHANGE. THE WORLD AS WE KNO IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

Jane: That's interesting, I always thought that augmented reality would...

Futurist: STAHP RIGHT THERE. AUGMENTED REALITY IS ONLY IN ITS INCEPTION AS WE DELIVE INTO THE OVERALL HEDGE OF WHERE THE TECHNOLOGY CAN TAKE US. WE ARE ON THE CUSP OF INCREDIBLE CHA-

Jane: Hey that's my friend Matt over there, I'm gonna go say Hi to him.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 4 years ago

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3

Three Commas Club

The three comma club is an all exclusive club limited to those whose net worth is valued at a billion dollars or more. The three commas are meant to symbolize the three commas that are present within the billion integer: 1,000,000,000.

My uncle started destroying half of his house out of anger upon finding he was now only worth 980,000,000 dollars and was no longer a member of the Three Comma club.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 4 years ago

4

Postmates Shame

When you order Postmates from the same place two nights in a row, and get the same courier

me: i got postmates shamed. can you get the food instead?
roommate: sure

Added by orien orien about 4 years ago

19

Making the world a better place

Solving a very specific problem that loosely translates into a social benefit.

We are making the world a better place through P2P iBeacon messaging platforms.

Added by dennis dennis over 4 years ago

3

Design Hackers

This is a term created out of desperation to make graphic designers, animators, or product desginers seem more tech company friendly.

James: What's your sister do?

Marlin: Oh she's a design hacker.

James: So...like a designer?

Marlin: Yeah but nah.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 4 years ago

3

Sweat Equity

The equity you put in for your hard work. When an investor uses this term, it's normally a red flag and it becomes obvious that they are probably not a professional investor.

I'm takkkin' 45% percent of your comapany cuz I invested 10k into your app. You divide the other 55% amoung your founders as sweat equity.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 4 years ago

4

Pre-Funded

An incredibly douchey way of describing a startup that hasn't raised venture capital or angel money. Technically anything you create is pre-funded so using this adjective only serves to show that you are insecure from not having raised money and that you're desperate for attention.

We're a pre-funded startup looking for design hackers that want to get their work into production super early and have a real impact on product.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 4 years ago

20

Bing It

An expression created by a marketing team within Microsoft that hypothesized that people would say this over the more commonly used expression "Google it."

Microsoft Marketing Rep: I want you to figure out Google's market share.
Bing Product Engineer: Sure one sec let me Google it.
Microsoft Marketing Rep: NO! Bing it!
Bing Product Engineer: Oh right, I forgot.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 4 years ago

6

Pre-Revenue

The bullshit an entrepreneur spews to investors to convince them of a high valuation since the seed money will allow the startup to grow immeasurably. Usually followed by more bullshit, greater valuations and eventually and a low revenue to evaluation ratio and companies which never attain revenues to justify their evaluation.

Currently the greatest contribution to the startup bubble.

Person A: How can that startup afford golden toilets and helicopter rides to work?

Person B: Of course they can, they are pre-revenue and focusing on growth!

Added by JonWilkins JonWilkins over 4 years ago

20

Technical Founder

A 5.0 student from MIT, the technical founder is a lone wolf who thinks business people are completely useless. You're a social media manager? Get the fuck out of here. His code is perfectly architected, clean and commented in all the right places. His startups fail because he doesn't think writing CSS is worth his time and his sites look like shit as a result.

Technical founder: I was almost about to team up with a non-technical cofounder but then he told me he wanted a user interface to manage our sites content.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 4 years ago

11

Lean Startup

A startup philosophy that attempts to combine the aspects of product driven with customer driven resulting in often successful, and simultaneously mediocre apps and websites that fails to bring forth truly disruptive technology.

Bob: I've spent all day doing customer development surveys for my Uber for tutoring app.

Alice: That's nice. I just finished some testing for my needle-free vaccine delivery system.

Bob: [Walks away feeling sorry for Alice, who has no clue what his customers really want and won't be able to pivot after sinking such large R&D costs]

Added by Mcat Mcat over 4 years ago

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89

Waterloo

A mythical University in Canada where many good Engineers and Computer Scientists come from.

Sam: "Where are all these Canadians from?"
Matthew: "We hired 10 interns and 20 full-times from Waterloo. They get shit done because if we don't hire them, they'll have to work for Blackberry."

Added by robert robert over 4 years ago