zazpowered
zazpowered (900)

6

Snapchat

A mobile app that lets you share intimate pictures with the people you just met at the bar instantly. It also lets you share temporary moments of your life that are not cool enough or sometimes too embarrassing to share on Facebook or Twitter.

I just add everyone I meet on Snapchat and send them pictures of the cat I found on my street.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 9 years ago

    4

    Microsoft

    A global corporation that depends for its existence on the inertia of Bob in accounting (see “Excel”.)

    Our CIO mandated that the entire company use Google Drive instead of Microsoft Office. He is no longer our CIO.

    Added by firasd firasd about 9 years ago

      5

      Microsoft

      The company Bill Gates and Paul Allen started while stealing undocumented IP from Apple and Xerox.

      Steve: You STOLE MY COMPUTER.
      Bill: You stole from Xerox. I stole from a thief.

      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 9 years ago

        6

        Amazon

        A company that sells groceries to the lazy, stock shares to the gullible, and cloud services to the lazy and gullible.

        Amazon: because I want to buy my underwear and Redis clusters from the same company.

        Added by firasd firasd about 9 years ago

          13

          Social Media

          The first team to be downsized when you run out of funding.

          Our social media manager was let go after she accidentally posted that Reddit thread to Twitter.

          Added by firasd firasd about 9 years ago

            93

            Waterloo

            A mythical University in Canada where many good Engineers and Computer Scientists come from.

            Sam: "Where are all these Canadians from?"
            Matthew: "We hired 10 interns and 20 full-times from Waterloo. They get shit done because if we don't hire them, they'll have to work for Blackberry."

            Added by robert robert about 9 years ago

            • zazpowered zazpowered

              @orien No what are you talking about

              1
              Reply
              about 9 years ago
            • zazpowered zazpowered

              @SingleCommaClub It's similar to what you see from immigrants to a new country like US or Canada

              1
              Reply
              about 9 years ago
            • zazpowered zazpowered

              I have a lot of friends from canada and waterloo and this seems really accurate from what i've heard

              1
              Reply
              about 9 years ago
            • charlesjo charlesjo

              It's like a parallel universe of Silicon Valley where people speak American English...

              3
              Reply
              almost 9 years ago
            • orien orien

              @zazpowered aren't you from waterloo

              2
              Reply
              about 9 years ago
            • freefunctor freefunctor

              @SingleCommaClub That's not true at all. Pretty much everyone I know from my graduating class got offers from US companies. A significant proportion of students choose to stay because the region is booming right now, and also the quality of life in Canada is pretty high.

              2
              Reply
              almost 9 years ago
            • zazpowered zazpowered

              @freefunctor toronto and canada are awesome

              2
              Reply
              almost 9 years ago
            • SingleCommaClub SingleCommaClub

              Have worked with a lot of engineers from Waterloo through internships and full time. Can honestly say they are very talented, but there is a bias because all the ones that make it to US companies are generally top notch.

              2
              Reply
              about 9 years ago
            • Devilinlimbo Devilinlimbo

              I love this site!

              6
              Reply
              over 7 years ago
            4

            Stealth Mode

            A startup that is a phase of secrecy in which they don't reveal what they actually do in an attempt to ward off potential competition.

            Zeeshan What do you do?
            Steve: I'm in a startup.
            Zeeshan: What do you guys do?
            Steve: I can't tell you. We're in stealth mode.
            Zeeshan: That's dumb.

            Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 9 years ago

              6

              Tinder Binge

              When a person spends immense amount of time swiping right, in an attempt to get any match available regardless of attraction.

              Ever since I've broken up with Mary, I've been on a Tinder binge trying to find someone...anyone.

              Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 9 years ago

                2

                Agile

                Agile development is a phrase used in software development to describe methodologies for incremental software development.

                Instead of using PRINCE2 methodology. Lets use Agile development.

                Added by callum000 callum000 about 9 years ago

                  52

                  Early Employee

                  A founder who will take 1% of the company instead of 25%. This is a polite way of saying "sucker."

                  CEO: "We couldn't have done it without a few great early employees."

                  Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 9 years ago

                  • SingleCommaClub SingleCommaClub

                    I still wouldn't minded having been an early employee at Facebook or Uber.

                    4
                    Reply
                    about 9 years ago
                  • employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne

                    @silconobserver Zach Holman.

                    1
                    Reply
                    about 8 years ago
                  • silconobserver silconobserver

                    This is total and utter bullshit. The founder risks his entire savings, family/friend relationships and pours his life into his startup. When things finally begin to work he goes out and hires the first few employees. In return the "early employees" get paid market rate or slightly below market rate and get equity and the founder gets painted as a greedy bastard? Who is the real sucker here

                    3
                    Reply
                    over 8 years ago
                  5

                  Cache of Innovation

                  A hyper localized and typically rural subset of engineers who choose to live places other than silicon valley and are exploited by politicians as examples of economic development.

                  Andy: Montana has a cache of innovation ready to explode.
                  Dave: Don't they still work work for bay area companies and just work remotely?
                  Andy: That's not the point. Programmers are the key to renewed economic development.

                  Added by client4 client4 about 9 years ago

                    8

                    Startup Dinner

                    4 contractors working evenings
                    $1800

                    Pizza for 4 full time engineers
                    $15

                    "Yes, you can -definitely- expense dinner."

                    Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 9 years ago

                      4

                      Hackathon

                      A team of sweaty engineers in a cramped coworking space building a product that will never see the light of day. Business and marketing types can assist this effort by bringing caffeinated drinks. Brought to you by Amazon.

                      At the end, the most vaguely marketable product might get investor attention. If so, it will use AWS forever.

                      Engineer (excitedly): "I'm going to a hackathon this weekend!"

                      Engineer (exhaustedly): "I went to a hackathon this weekend."

                      Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 9 years ago

                        10

                        10x Engineer

                        A developer who incurs technical debt so fast he appears more productive than the ten developers tasked with cleaning his mess up.

                        Founder: "We are only looking for 10x Engineers."

                        Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 9 years ago

                          5

                          Doors of a billionaire

                          Refers to a car belonging to a member of the three comma club with the doors that go up and down instead of side to side.

                          Russ: Do you wanna know what I have?!
                          Russ: A fu**ing car whose doors open like this.
                          Russ: Not like this like this!

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJIAOosI6js

                          Added by svhunt svhunt about 9 years ago

                            2

                            Net 30

                            I hope this fly-by-night startup pays me before my rent check is due.

                            Founder: "And how fast do I need to pay you?"
                            Freelancer: "Oh, it's Net 30."

                            Freelancer crosses fingers for luck.

                            Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 9 years ago

                              6

                              CRUD App

                              An app that can create, read, update, and destroy information.

                              The proverbial hammer, and every single one of your brilliant startup ideas is a nail.

                              You are looking at a CRUD app right now.

                              Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 9 years ago

                                8

                                Noncompete Agreement

                                Any agreement by which:
                                - The employee pretends they won't go work for the competition.
                                - The employer pretends it's enforceable in the State of California.

                                Engineer #1: "They wanted me to sign a noncompete."
                                Engineers: "AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

                                Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 9 years ago

                                  6

                                  MVP

                                  The "minimum viable product" is exactly like the product you had in mind, except with fewer features and more bugs.

                                  Founder: "We're going to validate the market with our MVP."
                                  Engineer: "Sweet!"

                                  Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 9 years ago

                                  5

                                  Enterprise

                                  Adj. -- a synonym for "takes longer, but for way more money"

                                  Sales: "The enterprise sales cycle takes months, but we're talking about whales here."
                                  Engineer: "The enterprise module is going to be a huge effort, but if you're sure it'll be worth it..."

                                  Manager: "All right, we've IPO'd now. It's time to adhere to enterprise process standards."
                                  Sales & Engineering: "Does that mean we get raises?"

                                  Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne about 9 years ago