5

Analytics

Sounds fancy, but it's just a data measuring mechanism that gives you info on customer app visits.

An example would be Mixpanel or Google Analytics which tells you stuff like how many people are going and staying on your site, how many people are making accounts, etc.

Lauren: Our user base is growing exponentially.

Jack: WOAH HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT.

Lauren: This fancy graph in the analytics shows us, my friend.

Jack: Math is power!

Lauren: Uh...yeah. I guess.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

    4

    Dogecoin

    A now mostly defunct crypto currency that has a picture of a Shiba Inu dog as it's logo.

    Delivery guy: Hi I have your pizza delivery, that will be 22.45$

    Randolph: Fantastic. Do you accept Dogecoin?

    Delivery guy: Why yes we do. That will be 130,644.70 Doge.

    Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

      6

      East Bay Startups

      Despite mainstream view, they indeed exist are are growing more and more prevalent. With the absurd prices in San Francisco and Palo Alto, areas in Downtown Oakland, Emeryville, and pockets of Berkeley have seen increased growth in new company offices.

      Many also consider living in the East Bay incredibly convenient, despite it's reputation for crime. It is often asked whether east bay startups should be considered apart of "Silicon Valley," to which many reply..."meh close enough."

      Winston: Where is your startup office located good sir.

      James: Oakland son.

      Winston: I am not familiar with this Oak-Land. How far is it from Sand Hill Road?

      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

      6

      Moving you to Bcc

      Translates to "Thank you."

      Charles: Terrence, JD is an angel investor in Silicon Valley. Really into diversity in startups and knows his stuff.

      Terrence: Charles, moving you to Bcc.

      Added by charlesjo charlesjo over 8 years ago

      3

      Microsoft

      A company built around the fact that Bob from accounting exists.

      Hacker 1: Are you going to Microsoft's big data hackathon?
      Hacker 2: No, winning prizes are only for those who analyse csv dumps in Microsoft Excel.

      Added by Mrandrewandrade Mrandrewandrade over 8 years ago

        3

        Gotta Catch Em' All Investing

        When an investor aims to diversify his or her portfolio by investing in one company in every popular area of technology.

        "Gotta Catch Em' All" is phrase from the game series Pokemon, where players are encouraged to catch every type of Pokemon (translated to Pocket Monsters).

        Jack: Why is Max investing in a Bitcoin distribution company. That's so unlike him.

        Annie: He''s trying to move toward a Gotta Catch Em All style portfolio to diversify.

        Jack: Why..

        Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

          3

          Google Fanboy

          Someone who exclusively buys Google products and defends the company even in the most morally questionable circumstances.

          Jack: Talking to Lewis really made me feel like my iPhone 6 was a bad purchase. I also am hesitant about buying a Macbook Pro.

          Jane: Don't listen to that guy, he's a Google fanboy who thinks Apple products are chrome instruments invented by the devil.

          Added by GoogleEngineer GoogleEngineer over 8 years ago

            5

            Postmates Trifecta

            When you use Postmates for breakfast, lunch and dinner on the same day

            I love innovation in Silicon Valley. I just completed a Postmates trifecta which allowed me to stay at home and play Counter Strike all day.

            Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 8 years ago

              7

              Code Couple

              Programming partners (in work or school) that are also involved with one another romantically.

              Jeremy and Liz are the hottest code couple at Stanford. I hear after finishing their compilers projects they hold hands and read quantum computing books until both their bodies are exhausted.

              Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                3

                Roko's Basilisk

                Super AI of future which will torture the avatars of those who did not help its existence.

                And this ultimate Kickstarter campaign https://twitter.com/charlesjo/status/579736882960986113

                ht @webhat
                The ultimate @kickstarter campaign! Donate to Singularity or else face consequences :)
                @psygnisfive

                Added by charlesjo charlesjo over 8 years ago

                  7

                  CS Fix My Shit Fallacy

                  The false assumption that anyone who can code or has a computer science degree can fix your computer or any household electronics.

                  Marco: Hey you study Computerz at that fancy university don' you? Could you fix my toaster?

                  Julian: Hell no. Why would I know how to do something like that.

                  Marco: Because computerz are basically more advance toasterz.

                  Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                    5

                    Glassdoor

                    Most commonly used for finding the mean salary of a company.

                    It's the website people visit when realizing that despite what they said during their interview about having passion for the product, it was always about the money.

                    Jack: I don't know whether to work at Stripe or Facebook.

                    Jill: You should follow your heart. Do what you have the most passion for.

                    Jack: Sorry I didn't hear you. I'm on Glassdoor checking each companies average salaries.

                    Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                    • zazpowered zazpowered

                      It's hard to resist those big numbers

                      1
                      Reply
                      over 8 years ago
                    • Montz Montz

                      Have you seen salarytalk.org? Much more accurate for base wages.

                      1
                      Reply
                      over 8 years ago
                    5

                    Hackathon

                    A period of time usually around 24 hours, in which teams of programmers and designers build out a working project and display it to judges at the end.

                    How Hackathons are judged vary completely on the theme and personal preference making it an extremely relative competition.

                    Sloan: What are you building for this years hackathon?

                    Jim: I'm building a Python interpreter.

                    Sloan: Why?

                    Jim: Because I think a robot who could communicate with snakes and humans could be incredibly useful.

                    Sloan: ...

                    Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                    • Bwenamai Bwenamai

                      Usually by coders that have no idea if there is any meaningful market for their hack.

                      1
                      Reply
                      over 8 years ago
                    3

                    Systems Design

                    Biggest joke of University of Waterloo. This is a program offered at University of Waterloo where students go to lose knowledge they already have. People in this program are believed to be so stupid that they spell SIDE as SYDE.

                    Person 1: Man, I am so depressed. I don't think I can go on
                    Person 2: Hey dude don't give up atleast you are not in Systems Design
                    Person 1: But I just got accepted in Systems Design
                    Person 2: Yeah, you should kill yourself

                    Person 1: Hey why is it so bright out-syde ? ( This person 1 is in Systems Design that is why he spells side as syde. What an idiot !!)
                    Person 2: Because people in-side are dumb

                    Added by fuckSystems fuckSystems over 8 years ago

                    • zazpowered zazpowered

                      Is this a commonly held belief?

                      1
                      Reply
                      over 8 years ago
                    • fuckSystems fuckSystems

                      @zazpowered yep

                      1
                      Reply
                      over 8 years ago
                    • freefunctor freefunctor

                      @zazpowered No this isn't. There is no "joke major" at Waterloo engineering/maths. SYDE is a perfectly fine program that has produced a lot of very fine engineers/entrepreneurs. OP's hate is rather bizarre.

                      1
                      Reply
                      over 8 years ago
                    5

                    No Money Mo' Problems

                    This is an expression often used by startups who're running out of their funding.

                    It's the antithesis of the idea propagated by the east coast rapper Biggie Smalls who is sometimes remembered for his song "Mo Money Mo Problems."

                    Zeeshan: Alright I want the Vesace leather over by the Tom Ford couch. Also want that 4k TV on top of the shark tank and we need more Blue Bottle coffee beans for the coffee maker.

                    Matt: Yo! We need to use this money properly. We need to hire engineers!

                    Zeeshan: Nah don't worry I just sold my website cats4justice.com for 500k and invested it back in the company. I thought ahead, no money, mo' problems.

                    Matt: Sweet. Yeah Biggie didn't know what he was talking about. West coast 5eva.

                    Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                      5

                      Shallow Alto

                      Another name for Palo Alto, denoting how shallow and superficial many (but not all) of it's inhabitants are.

                      Winston: Stanford is so much better than Cal. We're higher ranked and our football team actually wins games. The people who go to your school are plebeians.

                      Steve: Oh yeah! Well...

                      Winston: I like how your school spends so much of my taxpayer money on that pathetic group of children you call a football team. Your stadium can't cover up how much they suck.

                      Steve: Just get outta here man. Go back to Shallow Alto. We got heart here.

                      Winston: Sleeping on the floor and smoking weed all day doesn't mean you guys have heart.

                      Steve: Get back to Shallow ALTO man!!! Just because we don't get sexually aroused every time we see someone driving a nice car, pay higher prices for shitty property, and judge others solely for their wealth and education doesn't make us any worse.

                      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                        5

                        The Stack Overflow Scramble

                        When your compiler throws an error that you have no idea what the fuck it means. You then copy and paste it in stack overflow hoping for answers. One's heart rate tends to increase when their new to this. Soon it becomes a routine and one does this repeatedly until they figure out what's happening.

                        I spent the whole day stack overflow scrambling, trying to figure out why I kept getting this thing called a "Null Pointer Exception."

                        Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                          5

                          To Compile

                          When your machine is assembling the information and commands you've written. If there are no errors that prevent this from happening, your program is normally ready to be tested.

                          Matt: No errors! My code compiles. This shit works.

                          Zeeshan: Let's pistol ship it and call it a day.

                          Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                            5

                            The Matrix Delusion

                            When someone new begins their study in computer science thinking it will be as cool as the scenes denoting hacking and coding in the film "The Matrix."

                            James: Dude what the fuck is this?
                            Lloyd: It's called Eclipse.
                            James: But where are all the green numbers. Where's the console where I can issue my commands to hack things?!
                            Lloyd: You've fallen for the matrix delusion. This is gonna be a rough year.
                            James: What the fuck is the point of this... I'm applying to Haas.

                            Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                              5

                              Machine Learning

                              It's exactly how it sounds. It's a subfield of computer science dealing in pattern recognition and computational learning theory in artificial intelligence.

                              In Silicon Valley, people hail this subfield as the leading frontier for innovation that is applicable in almost every company. Machine Learning engineers are very high in demand as the work they produce allows for products to adapt and compute at higher levels than humans can.

                              Jack: The best jeopordy player and the best chess player in the world are computers.
                              James: That's the power of machine learning, being able to adapt to situations and read more steps ahead than a human can.
                              Jack: Yeah but I bet he can't FEEL like I can.
                              James: How do you feel?
                              Jack: I feel like shit actually...

                              Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago