Does anyone make money around here?

This question means different things depending on who's asking it and when.

1. When customers start asking this, the company is Pre-Revenue.
2. When investors start asking this, it's about to be a Down Round.
3. When the founders start asking this, it's been an Awesome Journey.

1: http://svdictionary.com/words/pre-revenue
2: http://svdictionary.com/words/down-round
3: http://svdictionary.com/words/awesome-journey

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne over 6 years ago


    Housing Bubble

    The artificial evolutionary mechanism which causes Silicon Valley to have a strong economy (because of the high density of wealth and talent) while simultaneously creating a permanent homeless problem.

    Alicia: Hey, I'm thinking of relocating to the Bay Area. I'll be making $170K and my husband will stay at home to take care of the kids. Do you think that's enough?

    Diego: Hmm, well, move into a bad neighborhood, with a 2 hour commute and a shitty school district and you're cooking!

    Alicia: Haha, wait.... You're serious?

    Diego: Ohh Yea! You'll be cooking a lot too unless you want to spend $15 on a burger. Fast food employees gotta pay rent too! Thanks to this Housing Bubble

    Added by willgr81 willgr81 over 6 years ago


      Down Round

      When you spend a borrowed $20, hit your pal up for $10 more, then wonder why your friends stop financing you.

      After this, you can become a Zombie Startup [1] or write a Medium post about your Awesome Journey [2].

      [1] http://svdictionary.com/words/zombie-startup
      [2] http://svdictionary.com/words/awesome-journey

      Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne over 6 years ago


        Resting and vesting

        What you do after your Incredible Journey.

        Accelerator -> Pre-Revenue -> Down Round -> Incredible Journey -> Resting and Vesting

        Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne over 6 years ago


          Incredible Journey

          Game over.

          We have some exciting news to share! Parse has joined forces with Facebook. It's been an incredible journey, and together we'll be able to offer --

          -- lol jk, we're winding down the Parse service, and Parse will be fully retired after a year-long period ending on January 28, 2017. We're proud that we've been able to help so many of you build great mobile apps, but Facebook bought us to kill us. We're just sticking around until we're fully vested. After that, we're out. Fuck those guys.

          Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne over 6 years ago


            Bachelor's Degree

            An academic degree which typically consists of about 40 college classes in a particular field of study. Much like a startup, it is typically either undervalued (by the uneducated) or overvalued (by zealous parents) rather than being appreciated in equanimity as a testament to consistent work under an educational institution. Also known as Peter Thiel's Kryptonite

            Harold: So I see that you got a Bachelor's Degree just last year?

            Katelyn: Yes, in Electrical Engineering

            Harold: Hmm, so can you use Linux?

            Katelyn: ...

            Added by willgr81 willgr81 over 6 years ago



              In a medium-sized and growing company, Agile can be a learning experience for everyone.

              BigCo managers learn what it's like to ship tiny things instead of meeting about big things.
              Software engineers learn what it's like to have parental supervision.
              Early employees learn how to quit while they're ahead.

              Manager: "We will remove obstacles from your workflow and refrain from micromanagement."
              Engineer: "We will regularly estimate our stories and log our work."
              Engineer: "Wait a minute, where's Early Employee?"

              Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne over 6 years ago



                Bloodsucking parasites which benefit by deriving nutrients at the host's expense.

                Founder 1: So what can you do for our company?
                Lawyer: Well I can help you incorporate.
                Founder 2: Just did that on legal zoom for $250
                Lawyer: I, I can help you negotiate term sheets
                Founder 2: Just googled everything we need to know about convertible debt
                Lawyer: uhh, uhh, I can do other stuff too! Here, look, my finger's not really cut off! See!
                Founder 1: Haha, that's nifty. Okay, we'll keep your card
                Lawyer: *Desperately* Thank you!
                Founder 1: *Flushes card down toilet after meeting*

                Added by willgr81 willgr81 over 6 years ago


                Free Food

                An excellent fringe benefit that increases employee morale, public image and work culture quality at low cost, it might even allow companies to pay out lower salaries or have better negotiation leverage for new hires.

                Goldman Sachs employee: Yeah I go out to eat every so often, but I like to make my own lunch.
                Facebook employee: Ha! we get free food every meal at Facebook!
                Goldman Sachs employee: I hope you're stuffing it down, cuz all that free food comes out of your bonus pool! I just get a fatter check every year.
                Facebook employee: *cries*

                Added by willgr81 willgr81 over 6 years ago


                  Career Fair

                  A time when recruiters try to get commission and college students desperately try to get their first taste of the real world. B.S is at a maximum.

                  David: Hey did you go to that career fair last week?

                  Kara: Yeah, gotta look for those jobs

                  David: Mo money, less problems

                  Added by willgr81 willgr81 over 6 years ago


                    Convertible Debt

                    An investment instrument which allows both founders and investors to procrastinate on the most important aspect of a business. Essentially an investment in a flamewar. Both entrepreneur and investor can share the delusion of cutting legal costs by skimping necessary discussions which usually backfire and lead to unfair dilution if the company succeeds or ruined professional and personal relationships when the company fails.

                    Sam: I just raised a million dollars for my startup, GooberData!

                    Kayla: Cool, how?

                    Sam: A convertible note! Hey, where are you going?

                    Added by willgr81 willgr81 over 6 years ago


                    Angel Investor

                    The typical Angel Investor can be found in its natural habit, either grazing in the open pastures of tech conferences or herding in secret groups with other Angel Investors. If you happen to be lucky enough to encounter an Angel Investor in the wild, don't try to feed it with Buzzwords as it would run away. Instead, be honest and and try to listen more than you speak.

                    Hannah: Duuude, I met this Angel Investor at the conference last week and it was sooo cool! I even got a picture

                    Jack: Woah! They really do have wings

                    Added by willgr81 willgr81 over 6 years ago


                      Technical Debt

                      Technical debt is a metaphor referring to the eventual consequences of consistently pushing shitty code that works in the short term, but fucks you up in the long term.

                      Justin's team at Hooli spent the entire week accounting for their technical debt.

                      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 6 years ago



                        "Richard is great, but y'know"

                        Basically a technique of abbreviating the positive preface to a conversation to get to the point.

                        RIGBY he's an arrogant prick.
                        RIGBY he sweats profusely and makes a terrible CEO


                        Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 6 years ago


                          Sticker Whore

                          Someone who sticks dozens of corporate and code related stickers on their computer to show the world how much of a techie they are.

                          In his Gender and Womens Studies class, Ryan the sticker whore, pulled out his computer with clearly visible html 5, Node Js, MongDB, Facebook, octocat, and reddit stickers to impress his classmates.

                          Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 6 years ago


                          Stanford Robotics

                          According to the Silicon Valley television show they are a group of self loving assholes who troll around Palo Alto making useless things like robot deer.

                          Stanford Robotics built a Drake robot because they thought it would help girls notice them. When they did, they were so annoying to be around that the robot wasn't enough to keep their interest.

                          Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 6 years ago

                          • zazpowered zazpowered

                            What do you have against stanford robotics?

                            over 6 years ago
                          • yungsnuggie yungsnuggie

                            this particular definition was inspired by Season 3 Episode 1 of Silicon Valley

                            about 6 years ago


                          a company that is valued at over ten billion dollars before its IPO. Like a unicorn but presumably with ten horns

                          "Dude we can be talking about the d-words here!"
                          "No! Decacorn"

                          Added by Viktor_U Viktor_U over 6 years ago


                            Customer churn

                            Customer churn refers to when a customer (player, subscriber, user, etc.) ceases his or her relationship with a company. Online businesses typically treat a customer as churned once a particular amount of time has elapsed since the customer's last interaction with the site or service.

                            Sky customer services uses a newer and far more accurate approach to customer churn prediction: at the core of Sky’s ability to accurately predict which customers will churn is a unique method of calculating customer lifetime value for each and every customer. - http://qwikfix.co.uk/sky-customer-services/

                            Added by blog blog over 6 years ago

                            • zazpowered zazpowered

                              We need a word for marketing through svdictionary definitions

                              over 6 years ago


                            When you use your dick and your two legs to stab him in the lower torso.

                            "I'm not asking you to spoon with the guy, or even fork him-"
                            "What is that?"
                            "Forking is when you use your dick and your two legs to stab him in the lower torso."

                            Added by zander zander over 6 years ago


                            Burning Man

                            The biggest Silicon Valley networking event of the year.

                            Burning Man will soon be gentrified just like Oakland.

                            Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 6 years ago