Enterprise

Adj. -- a synonym for "takes longer, but for way more money"

Sales: "The enterprise sales cycle takes months, but we're talking about whales here."
Engineer: "The enterprise module is going to be a huge effort, but if you're sure it'll be worth it..."

Added by employeeNumbaOne over 9 years ago

Doors of a billionaire

Refers to a car belonging to a member of the three comma club with the doors that go up and down instead of side to side.

Russ: Do you wanna know what I have?!
Russ: A fu**ing car whose doors open like this.
Russ: Not like this like this!

Added by svhunt over 9 years ago

Stack

Refers to the variety of technologies used to build and maintain your website, app, or service. Might also refer to a large amount of pancakes.

Son: Hey pops, wanna throw another stack on my plate? Pass the syrup too.
Pops: No son, your stack needs to maintainable, don't let your code base get out of control!

Added by zander over 9 years ago

Liquidity Event

Founders start off owning the entire company.
Then they convince VCs to buy some of it, and they use that money to pay themselves salaries.
Then the VCs convince either retail investors or a megacorporation to buy the company, and that's a liquidity event.

This sounds like a pyramid scheme, but trust me, it isn't.

Employees can't do anything with their stock options until a liquidity event.

Added by employeeNumbaOne over 9 years ago

Cache of Innovation

A hyper localized and typically rural subset of engineers who choose to live places other than silicon valley and are exploited by politicians as examples of economic development.

Andy: Montana has a cache of innovation ready to explode.
Dave: Don't they still work work for bay area companies and just work remotely?
Andy: That's not the point. Programmers are the key to renewed economic development.

Added by client4 over 9 years ago

Herd Mentality

When people follow the leader or others like a herd instead of thinking independently. Often seen when investors are deciding which startups to fund.

VC: You guys have a really strong team, exactly the type that we like to fund, but we just don't believe in the idea.
Kim: Did I mention that a16z decided to invest in us yesterday.
VC: Wait. Don't leave. I think we started things off on the wrong foot.

Added by zazpowered over 9 years ago

• charlesjo

  Reminds me of Never Lead VC http://www.topchart.io/lists/worst-vc-group-names#!items/53632-never-lead-vc

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  over 9 years ago

Startup Dinner

When startups provide their employees with free dinner. It is offered partly because your employer is nice but mostly to get you to work longer hours.

Eugene: Hey Alex, are you going to stay for dinner. We are starting to offer free dinner everyday now.
Justin: No I'm ok I was actually going to cook something at home.
Eugene: Are you sure? Please stay

Added by zazpowered over 9 years ago

For Profit Do Good

A company that works to raise money for charitable causes, but is also a business that produces revenue. This is not incorporated as a Non-Profit organization.

charitybuzz.com

Added by yungsnuggie over 9 years ago

PG

I want to say Paul Graham, but I also want to know whether you're totally clueless and out of the loop.

"I finally met pg in person.
SENPAI NOTICED ME."

Added by employeeNumbaOne over 9 years ago

Simply Scheming

Trying to impress a future employer by referencing knowledge in Lisp (a programming language with a horrendous amount of parenthesis) that is mostly only taught at MIT and UC Berkeley. Simply Scheme is also the title to a textbook written by Brian Harvey (MIT alum and tenured Berkeley professor).

Fred simply schemed his way out of the first round interviews making his interviewer feel incompetent by his lack of knowledge in Lisp.

Added by yungsnuggie over 9 years ago

• freefunctor

  This is taught heavily at Waterloo as well (although there is a fair bit of Haskell as well). Elegant weapons, for a more civilized world.

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  over 9 years ago

Hackathon

A team of sweaty engineers in a cramped coworking space building a product that will never see the light of day. Business and marketing types can assist this effort by bringing caffeinated drinks. Brought to you by Amazon.

At the end, the most vaguely marketable product might get investor attention. If so, it will use AWS forever.

Engineer (excitedly): "I'm going to a hackathon this weekend!"

Added by employeeNumbaOne over 9 years ago

Oski Eyes

When an engineering student (primarily UC Berkeley students) tries to talk to a girl but ends up frowning and giving her an awkward vibe because he is too scared to say anything. This is mostly done out of innocence and fear.

Cindy was really interested in meeting my friend Brian, but since she was the first girl he'd talked to in months he ended up giving her Oski eyes and scaring her off. She's over there talking to that Haashole Brad now.

Added by yungsnuggie over 9 years ago

Tinder Binge

When a person spends immense amount of time swiping right, in an attempt to get any match available regardless of attraction.

Ever since I've broken up with Mary, I've been on a Tinder binge trying to find someone...anyone.

Added by yungsnuggie over 9 years ago

Amazon

A company that sells groceries to the lazy, stock shares to the gullible, and cloud services to the lazy and gullible.

Amazon: because I want to buy my underwear and Redis clusters from the same company.

Added by firasd over 9 years ago

Pivot

We failed. Now, we're starting over, possibly with something completely different.

We started out by building a SoLoMo network for hermits. We've now pivoted to becoming the Uber of door-to-door encyclopedia sales.

Added by ryporter over 9 years ago

Snapchat

A mobile app that lets you share intimate pictures with the people you just met at the bar instantly. It also lets you share temporary moments of your life that are not cool enough or sometimes too embarrassing to share on Facebook or Twitter.

I just add everyone I meet on Snapchat and send them pictures of the cat I found on my street.

Added by yungsnuggie over 9 years ago

My Code is Compiling

An excuse engineers use to do whatever the hell they want in the workplace.

Jimmy: Dude why are you riding your bike indoors, listening to Daft Punk with the speakers blasted, without any pants on?
Lewis: My code is compiling.

Added by yungsnuggie over 9 years ago

Cloud

A catch-all word the rest of the world can use for 90% of this dictionary, while still remaining smug about having used it.
*Works great in movies as well.

Joe: I don't get it...
Bill: It's simple: I put it in the Cloud! Duh.
Joe: Oh, okay. I get it now.

Added by dc2 over 9 years ago

Microsoft

The company Bill Gates and Paul Allen started while stealing undocumented IP from Apple and Xerox.

Steve: You STOLE MY COMPUTER.
Bill: You stole from Xerox. I stole from a thief.

Added by yungsnuggie over 9 years ago

Solving Own Problem

A bullshit story founders present to lie on how they arrived at their product.

We built datemycate app because we wanted to solve our own problem to help our cat find a date. He was very horny all the time and was always flirty with my girlfriend.

Added by beenpoor over 9 years ago