yungsnuggie
yungsnuggie (1281)

6

That's Startup Life

The default response whenever someone talks about how shitty being an entrepreneur is.

Kim: I've been working for the past 15 hours, can't afford anything but Taco Bell and investors are telling me they want to circle back in a few months. We all know what that means. This sucks.
Matthew: That's startup life. What do you expect?

Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 7 years ago

    9

    Janitor at startup

    The title an asshole CEO (generally a sole founder) puts on their Linkedin title to show they have the ability to fire anybody.

    Random dude: Where do you work?
    Albert: I am at the greatest game company around called BigVikingGames
    Random dude: Cool, what do you do there?
    Albert: I am the janitor, I just take out the trash!
    Random dude: cool story bro

    Added by timferris timferris almost 7 years ago

      4

      Startup 15

      Similar to Freshman 15 except this weight gain is caused by alcohol and catered meals that your startup offers you.

      John: My startup needs to stop feeding me. I already have Startup 15 but luckily there's a gym at work.

      Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 7 years ago

        4

        IPO

        Stands for initial public offering and is when the stock of a company becomes available to the public for purchase.

        Jim: Half of my company has now left after our IPO because of all the fuck you money generated

        Added by pygmyknight pygmyknight almost 7 years ago

          4

          Humorification

          Like gamification except you add elements of humor to your product to make it more interesting and engaging.

          Tim: What does Agile mean? I hate reading dictionaries I feel like I'm back in college.
          Chris: http://svdictionary.com/words/agile
          Tim: Wow that's amazing. I'm going to visit this site everyday

          Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 7 years ago

            11

            Sam Altman

            The current president of Y Combinator and successor to SV investor and essayist, Paul Graham.

            In his own words Paul Graham says that "Sam is one of the smartest people I know, and understands startups better than perhaps anyone I know, including myself. He's the one I go to when I want a second opinion about a hard problem."

            Today he spends his time moving YC forward, dealing with the waves of entrepreneurs trying to impress him in superficial ways in an attempt to garner entry into the incubator (I once hacked a non-computer system by [insert something borderline illegal here or morally questionable, albeit pretty smart]. He tweets declarative statements about his idea of the perfect founder, similar to how a teenager would describe his or her perfect boyfriend or girlfriend (not to his own fault, it's his job), as well as tweets about how well YC is doing in general.

            Sam Altman says that the best founders live in the same apartment as their co-founders so we've decided to move in together! We're even going to sleep on the same king sized bed and mention it on our app, so we'll probably get an interview for sure.

            Added by covfefelord covfefelord almost 7 years ago

              3

              BART

              BART which stands for Bay Area Rapid Transit is a rapid transit system that services the San Francisco Bay Area. It is one of the most popular ways to get around the area as they operate 44 stations that cover a large portion of SF Bay. While safe and convenient for the most part, BART is also home to some of the most interesting characters you will find.

              Tim: Why does it smell so bad in here? Did that dude just pee on the ground? Why is he taking his pants off now?

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5_z1r-mlmI (NSFW)

              Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 7 years ago

              • orien orien

                that guy is really flexible

                2
                Reply
                almost 7 years ago
              • zazpowered zazpowered

                @orien comments are saying why is nobody stopping him but I wouldn't want to fuck with somebody that athletic. especially when they are on drugs

                1
                Reply
                almost 7 years ago
              8

              X for Y

              A way entrepreneurs use to describe their startup to customers and investors so they can quickly grasp how their product works. It is done by comparing your startup to another successful company that likely pioneered its business model.

              My startup is Airbnb for cars = people can borrow your car when you are not using it
              My startup is Uber for food = food will be delivered to you on demand
              My startup is Urban Dictionary for Silicon Valley = svdictionary.com

              Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 7 years ago

                4

                Low Engagement Shame

                The shame that people of the internet generation feel after they add a piece of content to a social network and there is little or no engagement. This can be likes and comments on Facebook/Instagram or favorites and retweets on Twitter.

                David: I uploaded a selfie 10 minutes ago and nobody has liked it yet. Did I use a bad filter? What is going on? I need to delete this right away

                Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 7 years ago

                  7

                  Man Jose

                  Man Jose refers to the city of San Jose, located within Silicon Valley, which contains a large number of male Software Engineers.

                  Sam: Why can't I find a nice girl to go out with?
                  Mark: What did you expect? You live in Man Jose.

                  Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 7 years ago

                    9

                    Protective Incompetence

                    Being bad at something you don't like to do, so you don't have to do it.

                    > I think the reason I made such a mystery of business was that I was disgusted by the idea of doing it. I wanted to work in the pure, intellectual world of software, not deal with customers' mundane problems. People who don't want to get dragged into some kind of work often develop a protective incompetence at it. Paul Erdos was particularly good at this. By seeming unable even to cut a grapefruit in half (let alone go to the store and buy one), he forced other people to do such things for him, leaving all his time free for math. Erdos was an extreme case, but most husbands use the same trick to some degree.

                    http://www.paulgraham.com/start.html

                    Added by adamzerner adamzerner almost 7 years ago

                      7

                      Do the Needful

                      Usually coined by Tech workers of East Indian descent, in context means I have to do what I have to do to get the job done or to keep my Boss from firing me.

                      "Yes, we have to do the Needful to beta test this new code by Friday"

                      Added by Hammer Hammer almost 7 years ago

                      • charlesjo charlesjo

                        Only applies to esteemed organizations though ;)

                        1
                        Reply
                        almost 7 years ago
                      9

                      San Francisco

                      The city of San Francisco is one the most famous cities in the Bay Area, home to the SF Giants, hipsters, a thriving LGBT community, and enough fog to make you consider suicide, commonly referred to as "The City". When non Bay Area natives talk about the Bay Area, they're either talking about SF or Silicon Valley.

                      Alex: Yo man, you doing something later? It's Friday.
                      Kim: Yea I'm thinking about heading to The City later for some drinks, probably near Nob Hill or something.
                      Alex: Sounds chill. Can I come?
                      Kim: I don't know if it's your scene. The place has pretty hipster bars. They all have PBR on tap for $5 a pint.

                      Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 7 years ago

                        5

                        Bug

                        A bug is a flaw in software that causes an unintended result. Most bugs arise from errors in written code, rather than from a computer itself. Due to the prevalence of engineer-created bugs, some programmers sardonically refer to their bugs as "surprise features".

                        Albert: Is there a bug in your code? I can't log into my account.
                        Justin: That's a feature. The site is telling you to go outside and take walk.

                        Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 7 years ago

                          9

                          Bear Goggles

                          Similar to beer goggles, bear goggles refer to a the influence of studying at UC Berkeley on one's visual perception, whereby one slowly finds someone attractive who would not have been attractive before studying at UC Berkeley.

                          James: What do you think about her? She's pretty hot, right?
                          Dave: What are you on? You said she was hideous last semester. Did your optometrist prescribe you bear goggles?

                          Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 7 years ago

                          6

                          Title Promotion

                          A title promotion is a like a normal promotion, except without any increase in compensation, whether salary or otherwise. This is typically used to make engineers feel more important and get them to do more work without actually paying them for it.

                          Calvin: I just got promoted to Senior Software Engineer! I get to manage a team and maintain existing code!
                          Jerry: Are you getting paid more?
                          Calvin: No, but think of how exciting this opportunity is!
                          Jerry: ...

                          Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 7 years ago

                            8

                            Dogfooding

                            When companies use their own products, often in beta, to test and work out any bugs.
                            Dogfooding often results in companies catching glitches in their apps before they're released to the public.

                            "They really should have dogfooded that app before they released it — there were so many bugs!"

                            Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 7 years ago

                              7

                              Digital Detox

                              Taking a few days away from email, social media, and anything else that involves a glowing screen.
                              Practicing major restraint — no Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. for an entire weekend, or any other length of time.

                              "Don't worry if you don't hear from me this weekend — I'm doing a digital detox, so I won't see your message until Monday."

                              Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 7 years ago

                                4

                                Email Bankruptcy

                                When an inbox has thousands of unread emails, and the best solution is to just mass-delete rather than spending days combing through them.
                                If you really tried to read and respond to all of those messages, it might be a very long time before you interacted with another human IRL again.

                                "My inbox is so overwhelming, I'm declaring email bankruptcy. I'm deleting everything sent before September!"

                                Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 7 years ago

                                  8

                                  Bricked

                                  A piece of hardware that doesn’t function anymore because it was tampered with.
                                  You seriously messed up that upgrade, and now your entire device has been rendered useless.

                                  "I tried to install the most recent version of Windows on my old Mac, but it totally bricked the whole computer."

                                  Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 7 years ago