yungsnuggie
yungsnuggie (1281)

6

Does anyone make money around here?

Users of venture backed startups and residents of Silicon Valley ask this question frequently. They do not understand how a lot of social apps such as Snapchat and Facebook (before they started to run ads) are able to raise so much money at sky high valuations without generating revenue.

For on demand services such as Uber, Instacart and Caviar they do not understand how signup credit, promo codes and referral credit can be offered so frequently.

Jim: Let me get this straight. Snapchat is worth $10 billion now and they haven't made any money? Just now I read Uber is offering $100 signup credit, $50 credit for every friend I refer and a one time promo code of $20 off of my first ride. Does anyone make money around here?

Tim: You realize Uber has raised $1 billion dollars every month for the past 12 months right?

Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

    4

    Startup 15

    Similar to Freshman 15 except this weight gain is caused by alcohol and catered meals that your startup offers you.

    John: My startup needs to stop feeding me. I already have Startup 15 but luckily there's a gym at work.

    Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

      4

      BAD

      Broken As Designed: A product fails to perform as expected, because the company making it intentionally did it that way (either from misunderstanding, or on purpose)

      Windows 95's auto-redial being limited to 100 redials.

      Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 9 years ago

        4

        Boat Anchor

        Computer so obsolete, It no longer Serves a purpose (i.e. Apple III's)

        "Whoa! That's a boat anchor."

        Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 9 years ago

        • healthdatatom healthdatatom

          Actually the Apple III is a collector's item and sells for hundreds of dollars. The boat anchor you're looking for is the 286 PC.

          1
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          almost 9 years ago
        • iamDeveloper iamDeveloper

          I think you get it a little wrong. 'Apple-III' is a COLLECTOR'S item/VINTAGE & hence it is not used generally or it does not serves the purpose in present time. So both Apple-III and 286 PC are Boat Anchors. :)

          1
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          almost 9 years ago
        4

        Re-Engineering Alchemist

        A practitioner of sophisticated techniques to help one overcome deeply rooted personal limitations leading to a golden transformation.

        Victor Escalante is an International Personal and Corporate Consultant who has helped thousands of individuals overcome deeply rooted personal limitations. His acumen for personal change has earned him the title, The Re-Engineering Alchemist.

        Added by tallenhanes tallenhanes over 8 years ago

          4

          Humorification

          Like gamification except you add elements of humor to your product to make it more interesting and engaging.

          Tim: What does Agile mean? I hate reading dictionaries I feel like I'm back in college.
          Chris: http://svdictionary.com/words/agile
          Tim: Wow that's amazing. I'm going to visit this site everyday

          Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

            4

            IPO

            Stands for initial public offering and is when the stock of a company becomes available to the public for purchase.

            Jim: Half of my company has now left after our IPO because of all the fuck you money generated

            Added by pygmyknight pygmyknight almost 9 years ago

              5

              Bug

              A bug is a flaw in software that causes an unintended result. Most bugs arise from errors in written code, rather than from a computer itself. Due to the prevalence of engineer-created bugs, some programmers sardonically refer to their bugs as "surprise features".

              Albert: Is there a bug in your code? I can't log into my account.
              Justin: That's a feature. The site is telling you to go outside and take walk.

              Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 9 years ago

                9

                San Francisco

                The city of San Francisco is one the most famous cities in the Bay Area, home to the SF Giants, hipsters, a thriving LGBT community, and enough fog to make you consider suicide, commonly referred to as "The City". When non Bay Area natives talk about the Bay Area, they're either talking about SF or Silicon Valley.

                Alex: Yo man, you doing something later? It's Friday.
                Kim: Yea I'm thinking about heading to The City later for some drinks, probably near Nob Hill or something.
                Alex: Sounds chill. Can I come?
                Kim: I don't know if it's your scene. The place has pretty hipster bars. They all have PBR on tap for $5 a pint.

                Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 9 years ago

                  4

                  Low Engagement Shame

                  The shame that people of the internet generation feel after they add a piece of content to a social network and there is little or no engagement. This can be likes and comments on Facebook/Instagram or favorites and retweets on Twitter.

                  David: I uploaded a selfie 10 minutes ago and nobody has liked it yet. Did I use a bad filter? What is going on? I need to delete this right away

                  Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

                    7

                    Man Jose

                    Man Jose refers to the city of San Jose, located within Silicon Valley, which contains a large number of male Software Engineers.

                    Sam: Why can't I find a nice girl to go out with?
                    Mark: What did you expect? You live in Man Jose.

                    Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 9 years ago

                      9

                      Protective Incompetence

                      Being bad at something you don't like to do, so you don't have to do it.

                      > I think the reason I made such a mystery of business was that I was disgusted by the idea of doing it. I wanted to work in the pure, intellectual world of software, not deal with customers' mundane problems. People who don't want to get dragged into some kind of work often develop a protective incompetence at it. Paul Erdos was particularly good at this. By seeming unable even to cut a grapefruit in half (let alone go to the store and buy one), he forced other people to do such things for him, leaving all his time free for math. Erdos was an extreme case, but most husbands use the same trick to some degree.

                      http://www.paulgraham.com/start.html

                      Added by adamzerner adamzerner almost 9 years ago

                        6

                        Title Promotion

                        A title promotion is a like a normal promotion, except without any increase in compensation, whether salary or otherwise. This is typically used to make engineers feel more important and get them to do more work without actually paying them for it.

                        Calvin: I just got promoted to Senior Software Engineer! I get to manage a team and maintain existing code!
                        Jerry: Are you getting paid more?
                        Calvin: No, but think of how exciting this opportunity is!
                        Jerry: ...

                        Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 9 years ago

                          4

                          Email Bankruptcy

                          When an inbox has thousands of unread emails, and the best solution is to just mass-delete rather than spending days combing through them.
                          If you really tried to read and respond to all of those messages, it might be a very long time before you interacted with another human IRL again.

                          "My inbox is so overwhelming, I'm declaring email bankruptcy. I'm deleting everything sent before September!"

                          Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 9 years ago

                            6

                            To Tswift

                            To call out or threaten to call out a company on social media and have it actually mean something due to your popularity

                            I know my performance at work hasn't been the best but I think firing me is a little too drastic. Now you know I have 300,000 followers on Twitter. I don't like to do it but I will tswift the company if you don't change your mind.

                            Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

                              7

                              Junior Software Engineer

                              An engineer that fixes bugs and writes tests.

                              Tim: I've just been fixing typos and writing tests for all the shitty code other engineers are putting out. When will I do real work?
                              Harold: Shut up and keep working

                              Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

                              • memobug memobug

                                the example doesn't use the term

                                1
                                Reply
                                almost 9 years ago
                              • chipchop chipchop

                                @memobug true. For some definitions using the actual word made the example flow a little worse so I leave it out if it's obvious. What do you think?

                                1
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                                almost 9 years ago
                              4

                              Unicorn Valuation

                              Bullshit valuation

                              Uber has a Unicorn valuation.

                              Added by gabefat gabefat almost 9 years ago

                                7

                                Do the Needful

                                Usually coined by Tech workers of East Indian descent, in context means I have to do what I have to do to get the job done or to keep my Boss from firing me.

                                "Yes, we have to do the Needful to beta test this new code by Friday"

                                Added by Hammer Hammer almost 9 years ago

                                • charlesjo charlesjo

                                  Only applies to esteemed organizations though ;)

                                  1
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                                  almost 9 years ago
                                3

                                Yahoo

                                Company that unnecessarily places yahoo login in every one of their apps even though it results in bad onboarding experience.

                                Ryan: Dude, why do I have to create a yahoo account to test out livetext? This is stupid. Fuck yahoo.

                                Added by svhunt svhunt almost 9 years ago

                                  4

                                  Investor Crushing

                                  Learning everything possible about your ideal investors fantasizing about the scenario in which the both of you talk about things you just happen to be interested in.

                                  I've been investor crushing on Marc Andreessen for months now. Whenever I see an egg I get so wet.

                                  Added by HalfLife3 HalfLife3 almost 9 years ago