covfefelord
covfefelord (77)

4

Coffee Maker

In many offices a coffee maker refers to a machine that produces coffee. In Silicon Valley however, a coffee maker is an actual human being (normally an intern) whose job it is to grind the coffee beans by hand and brew drip coffee.

In many places it is culturally unacceptable to drink coffee that isn't freshly brewed or use beans that aren't single origin.

Bill the Intern: Here's your coffee Justin.
Justin: Thanks Bill. The kale leaves on the side are a nice touch. *sips.* Bill come over here for a second.
Bill the Intern: What can I do for you Justin. I hope your enjoying the Tesora blend they had on sale at Philz.
Justin: First off, you disgust me. Second off, I never want to see your face in this office again. I hope it goes without saying that you are THE worst coffee maker this company has ever had. What have we learned today?
Bill the Intern: Single origin only...
Justin: Good. Now get out.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 7 years ago

4

Garage

Made famous by Steve Job's and Steve Wozniak's founding of Apple in a modest garage in Los Altos. Now a term used by startup founders to appear frugal to investors or to express "started from the bottom now we here" sentiments

"We are a billionaire dollar company now but do you remember those days when we worked out of a garage?"

Added by zazpowered zazpowered about 7 years ago

    17

    The LinkedIn Endorsement Burn

    Passive aggressively endorsing someone on LinkedIn for a menial skill such as Microsoft Word, while purposely ignoring their more relevant talents in things like Ruby on Rails or Objective C in an attempt to belittle them.

    Gilfoil got LinkedIn endorsement burned by Zeeshan when he purposely decided to only endorse him for Microsoft Powerpoint, even though he's a senior engineer at Pied Piper with a wide array of talents.

    Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 7 years ago

      9

      Backseat Investor

      An investor who will never tell you no, but will wait for a lead investor to commit so he can take a backseat and ride the return train. They always tell you to keep them informed with your project without ever providing active help.

      I thought Cody would be a generous investor after his company got acquired, but instead he's just another backseat investor waiting for a bigger fish to bite.

      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie about 7 years ago

        6

        Multiply people by dollars

        To multiply dollars by people. A situation where the startup is based on arithmetic and primitive desire to get rich. It relies heavily on an assumption that everyone should become a user of the service.

        Two people were traveling in the bus and talked about potential startups. Suddenly, one of them saw a janitor, whose orange jacket flashed in the window.
        - Oh... Listen, what if we create the social network for janitors? There are many of them in Moscow.
        - I wonder how many?
        - 50 thousand, I guess.
        - And what about other workers?
        - Another 50 thousand, no less.
        - So then we get 100 thousand of them... They're from Central Asia and most are lonely here, they want to get married and get acquainted with each other. By the way, this target group they consume special type of rice, cottonseed oil...
        - So ... Subscription model? Two dollars a month? $24 a year is cheap, right?
        - Wait-wait-wait a second! Multiply by 24 hundred thousand and we get...
        - Two million four hundred thousand a year!..
        - Plus ads!

        Added by SergeyMoskalev SergeyMoskalev almost 7 years ago

        • svhunt svhunt

          hahahahaha that's hilarious. Good to know that such mindset is global.

          1
          Reply
          almost 7 years ago
        20

        Bing It

        An expression created by a marketing team within Microsoft that hypothesized that people would say this over the more commonly used expression "Google it."

        Microsoft Marketing Rep: I want you to figure out Google's market share.
        Bing Product Engineer: Sure one sec let me Google it.
        Microsoft Marketing Rep: NO! Bing it!
        Bing Product Engineer: Oh right, I forgot.

        Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 7 years ago

          26

          Engineer Hot Girl Syndrome

          When a non-technical founder starts treating really good engineers like attractive girls, asking them out to dinner, buying them gifts arbitrarily, and sometimes getting nervous in their presence.

          Zeeshan's friend Vishnu is such a good programmer I get engineer hot girl syndrome in his presence. I want him on our team so badly.

          Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 7 years ago

            36

            MBA

            Certification that you've read case studies on how others have succeeded.

            Steve: Have you started your business yet?
            Jeremey: No I'm getting my MBA. I'll start my first business when I'm 30 and have a wife and kids.

            Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 7 years ago