FuctCo5K (26)
Early Employee
A founder who will take 1% of the company instead of 25%. This is a polite way of saying "sucker."
CEO: "We couldn't have done it without a few great early employees."
employeeNumbaOne over 9 years agoVanity Metrics
Useless data that looks good but does not necessarily correlate real success.
Bob: Our website gets a million views daily!
Mark: How many of them are you converting to paid users?
Bob: Well.. we are still working on that.
serge over 9 years agoTopchart vanity metrics list http://www.topchart.io/lists/vanity-metrics
Non-technical Cofounder
A Wharton MBA who will overestimate the value of his idea and underestimate the value of the person who will implement it. Often wonders why his technical cofounders leave him and the apps they build look like shit and get hacked all the time.
Non-technical Cofounder: Why do all these technical cofounders leave me? Did they not see the MBA from Wharton in my email? I'm telling you right now, I know how to write a business plan. I even offered the last guy 10% of my company.
zazpowered over 9 years agoWorked with a guy just like this before. We had tons of competition doing the exact same thing but dude refused to change his ideas or strategy at all. Happy it was contract work.
Also known as "Ideas Guy"
As opposed to a technical cofounder that shaves yaks because they have no clue about business?
Popular phrase: "Looking for a technical co-founder"
Scrappy
A word used by startup founders to justify the unethical tactics they use to grow their companies.
Jen: Did you really just scrape all of that site's content and then email their users to promote your own website? Omg thats so admirable. You're so scrappy
zazpowered over 9 years agoZero Billion
Any amount under 1 billion, rendering you off of Forbes billionaire's list, if you round down.
I'm not a billionaire anymore. I'm a nine-hundred-and-eighty-sixionaire, which isn't even a fucking thing. If you round down, I have zero billion.
mczajka over 9 years agoLinkedin Recommendation
Something you write in response to a Linkedin recommendation you receive or if you want to receive a new Linkedin recommendation.
Arrel: You know, I could just ask David for a Linkedin recommendation but I found the most efficient way is to just recommend them and wait for the kickback recommendation
zazpowered over 9 years agoDo the Needful
Usually coined by Tech workers of East Indian descent, in context means I have to do what I have to do to get the job done or to keep my Boss from firing me.
"Yes, we have to do the Needful to beta test this new code by Friday"
Hammer over 9 years agoOnly applies to esteemed organizations though ;)
Marketecture
A set of powerpoint slides that visually represent a product or software architecture in such a beautiful way but it really hasn't been built or tested just yet.
Wow what a great presentation and a real great idea, here is $20M. We hope the product they just presented isn't just Marketecture....ie. Marketing+Architecture
svchris over 9 years agoRollback
Generally refers to when you push bad code to production and you want to undo your changes by rolling back to a previous release
I've made a huge mistake. Do a rollback
zazpowered over 9 years agoBear Goggles
Similar to beer goggles, bear goggles refer to a the influence of studying at UC Berkeley on one's visual perception, whereby one slowly finds someone attractive who would not have been attractive before studying at UC Berkeley.
James: What do you think about her? She's pretty hot, right?
Dave: What are you on? You said she was hideous last semester. Did your optometrist prescribe you bear goggles?
xmangoslushie over 9 years agoI feel like it gets better every year
How Do You Like Them Apples
A dorky (and almost non-sensical) Bay Area expression often used, when Apple releases a new version of their products, in an attempt to belittle someone else's older model and mock the slow pace in which they've adopted the new product.
Originally taken out of context from a popular scene of the film, Good Will Hunting, where Matt Damon slaps a post-it note onto a diner window proclaiming his superiority after getting a girl's phone number.
I just got the iWatch 2 bitches. How do you like them apples?
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoEquity Dilution
Think of a share as a small unit of ownership in a company. When your shares are unprotected their value is dependent on factors outside your control, such as how many other shares are being distributed to other people. Equity dilution is when these factors decimate the value of your ownership.
Even though Ron was a graduate of the Haas School of Business, he did not know what equity dilution was, so after a year of working at a Stanford student's startup, he lost all the control that he thought he would have.
HalfLife3 over 9 years agoDigital Detox
Taking a few days away from email, social media, and anything else that involves a glowing screen.
Practicing major restraint — no Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. for an entire weekend, or any other length of time.
"Don't worry if you don't hear from me this weekend — I'm doing a digital detox, so I won't see your message until Monday."
iamDeveloper over 9 years agoBricked
A piece of hardware that doesn’t function anymore because it was tampered with.
You seriously messed up that upgrade, and now your entire device has been rendered useless.
"I tried to install the most recent version of Windows on my old Mac, but it totally bricked the whole computer."
iamDeveloper over 9 years agoValley Ageism
Belief that older software engineers aren't cool because they haven't learned the newest programming languages or aren't willing to work 16 hours a day because of family commitments. There's also pressure to do well at a young age due to the celebrity status of young entrepreneurs/engineers such as Mark Zuckerburg
The Carver: Your algorithm is solid. It's really good schema.
Richard: Ok... Thanks
The Carver: I thought you'd be younger. What are you 25?
Richard: 26
The Carver: Yikes
zazpowered over 9 years agoDogfooding
When companies use their own products, often in beta, to test and work out any bugs.
Dogfooding often results in companies catching glitches in their apps before they're released to the public.
"They really should have dogfooded that app before they released it — there were so many bugs!"
iamDeveloper over 9 years agoThis changes everything
Nothing has changed. Pure marketing
See http://svdictionary.com/words/changing-the-world
Introducing the iPhone 4. This changes everything.
zazpowered over 9 years agoLove it. Although, I did love my iPhone 4S. And it still runs like ALL Apple products I have ever owned!
Doesn't change much to be honest, 99% marketing 1% decent phone
Legacy Code
Legacy code is source code that relates to a no-longer supported, manufactured operating system or other computer technology.
To punish Lewis, the senior engineer decided to make him read and edit legacy code for an entire week.
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoTo Get Eduardofucked
Getting your equity diluted, while thinking that no one in the company hates you enough to fuck you over. This happened to a Facebook founder, Eduordo Saverin, by Mark Zuckerberg and Sean Parker. Goes under Zuckerberging and pretty much why he sued the fuck out of Facebook and Mark later on.
Let's Eduardofuck a bunch of Stanford MBAs who can do marketing and who don't know how cap tables work. We can promise them dilutable common stock and save a ton of money.
HalfLife3 over 9 years agoPay to Play
Pay to play is a phrase used for a variety of situations in which money is exchanged for services or the privilege to engage in certain activities within a mobile or console game.
Antonio: LoL is a totally free Pay to Play game MOBA game.
Zeeshan: That's awesome, so you haven't spent any money on it?
Antonio: Only 300$. But dat Annie skin is jus' so sweet man.
Zeeshan: You don't read Penny Arcade do you...
yungsnuggie over 9 years ago
I still wouldn't minded having been an early employee at Facebook or Uber.
@silconobserver Zach Holman.
This is total and utter bullshit. The founder risks his entire savings, family/friend relationships and pours his life into his startup. When things finally begin to work he goes out and hires the first few employees. In return the "early employees" get paid market rate or slightly below market rate and get equity and the founder gets painted as a greedy bastard? Who is the real sucker here