FuctCo5K
FuctCo5K (26)

46

This changes everything

Nothing has changed. Pure marketing

See http://svdictionary.com/words/changing-the-world

Introducing the iPhone 4. This changes everything.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 8 years ago

  • charlesjo charlesjo

    Love it. Although, I did love my iPhone 4S. And it still runs like ALL Apple products I have ever owned!

    2
    Reply
    over 8 years ago
  • thepaleking thepaleking

    Doesn't change much to be honest, 99% marketing 1% decent phone

    2
    Reply
    about 8 years ago
52

Early Employee

A founder who will take 1% of the company instead of 25%. This is a polite way of saying "sucker."

CEO: "We couldn't have done it without a few great early employees."

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne over 8 years ago

  • SingleCommaClub SingleCommaClub

    I still wouldn't minded having been an early employee at Facebook or Uber.

    4
    Reply
    over 8 years ago
  • employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne

    @silconobserver Zach Holman.

    1
    Reply
    almost 8 years ago
  • silconobserver silconobserver

    This is total and utter bullshit. The founder risks his entire savings, family/friend relationships and pours his life into his startup. When things finally begin to work he goes out and hires the first few employees. In return the "early employees" get paid market rate or slightly below market rate and get equity and the founder gets painted as a greedy bastard? Who is the real sucker here

    3
    Reply
    almost 8 years ago
59

Non-technical Cofounder

A Wharton MBA who will overestimate the value of his idea and underestimate the value of the person who will implement it. Often wonders why his technical cofounders leave him and the apps they build look like shit and get hacked all the time.

Non-technical Cofounder: Why do all these technical cofounders leave me? Did they not see the MBA from Wharton in my email? I'm telling you right now, I know how to write a business plan. I even offered the last guy 10% of my company.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 8 years ago

36

MBA

Certification that you've read case studies on how others have succeeded.

Steve: Have you started your business yet?
Jeremey: No I'm getting my MBA. I'll start my first business when I'm 30 and have a wife and kids.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

30

Vanity Metrics

Useless data that looks good but does not necessarily correlate real success.

Bob: Our website gets a million views daily!
Mark: How many of them are you converting to paid users?
Bob: Well.. we are still working on that.

Added by serge serge over 8 years ago

13

Zero Billion

Any amount under 1 billion, rendering you off of Forbes billionaire's list, if you round down.

I'm not a billionaire anymore. I'm a nine-hundred-and-eighty-sixionaire, which isn't even a fucking thing. If you round down, I have zero billion.

Added by mczajka mczajka over 8 years ago

    5

    Scrappy

    A word used by startup founders to justify the unethical tactics they use to grow their companies.

    Jen: Did you really just scrape all of that site's content and then email their users to promote your own website? Omg thats so admirable. You're so scrappy

    Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 8 years ago

      10

      MD Daydreamer

      A doctor who has passive regrets on his life choices and wonders on the inside whether he or she had what it took to start his or her own business. They makes it a priority to take the opportunity to pitch patients who work in software (regardless of what company they work for) in between his or her diagnosis and sometimes at dinner parties.

      I stopped going to Dr. Jacobson who is an MD Daydreamer. He always pitches me his idea for canine heart monitors that sends out tweets once a day.

      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

        4

        Linkedin Recommendation

        Something you write in response to a Linkedin recommendation you receive or if you want to receive a new Linkedin recommendation.

        Arrel: You know, I could just ask David for a Linkedin recommendation but I found the most efficient way is to just recommend them and wait for the kickback recommendation

        Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 8 years ago

          17

          The LinkedIn Endorsement Burn

          Passive aggressively endorsing someone on LinkedIn for a menial skill such as Microsoft Word, while purposely ignoring their more relevant talents in things like Ruby on Rails or Objective C in an attempt to belittle them.

          Gilfoil got LinkedIn endorsement burned by Zeeshan when he purposely decided to only endorse him for Microsoft Powerpoint, even though he's a senior engineer at Pied Piper with a wide array of talents.

          Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

            5

            How Do You Like Them Apples

            A dorky (and almost non-sensical) Bay Area expression often used, when Apple releases a new version of their products, in an attempt to belittle someone else's older model and mock the slow pace in which they've adopted the new product.

            Originally taken out of context from a popular scene of the film, Good Will Hunting, where Matt Damon slaps a post-it note onto a diner window proclaiming his superiority after getting a girl's phone number.

            I just got the iWatch 2 bitches. How do you like them apples?

            Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

              7

              Do the Needful

              Usually coined by Tech workers of East Indian descent, in context means I have to do what I have to do to get the job done or to keep my Boss from firing me.

              "Yes, we have to do the Needful to beta test this new code by Friday"

              Added by Hammer Hammer over 8 years ago

              • charlesjo charlesjo

                Only applies to esteemed organizations though ;)

                1
                Reply
                over 8 years ago
              9

              Bear Goggles

              Similar to beer goggles, bear goggles refer to a the influence of studying at UC Berkeley on one's visual perception, whereby one slowly finds someone attractive who would not have been attractive before studying at UC Berkeley.

              James: What do you think about her? She's pretty hot, right?
              Dave: What are you on? You said she was hideous last semester. Did your optometrist prescribe you bear goggles?

              Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie over 8 years ago

              8

              Dogfooding

              When companies use their own products, often in beta, to test and work out any bugs.
              Dogfooding often results in companies catching glitches in their apps before they're released to the public.

              "They really should have dogfooded that app before they released it — there were so many bugs!"

              Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper over 8 years ago

                7

                Digital Detox

                Taking a few days away from email, social media, and anything else that involves a glowing screen.
                Practicing major restraint — no Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. for an entire weekend, or any other length of time.

                "Don't worry if you don't hear from me this weekend — I'm doing a digital detox, so I won't see your message until Monday."

                Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper over 8 years ago

                  8

                  Bricked

                  A piece of hardware that doesn’t function anymore because it was tampered with.
                  You seriously messed up that upgrade, and now your entire device has been rendered useless.

                  "I tried to install the most recent version of Windows on my old Mac, but it totally bricked the whole computer."

                  Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper over 8 years ago

                    7

                    Valley Ageism

                    Belief that older software engineers aren't cool because they haven't learned the newest programming languages or aren't willing to work 16 hours a day because of family commitments. There's also pressure to do well at a young age due to the celebrity status of young entrepreneurs/engineers such as Mark Zuckerburg

                    The Carver: Your algorithm is solid. It's really good schema.
                    Richard: Ok... Thanks
                    The Carver: I thought you'd be younger. What are you 25?
                    Richard: 26
                    The Carver: Yikes

                    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdXKdRoB9Wk

                    Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 8 years ago

                      7

                      Pay to Play

                      Pay to play is a phrase used for a variety of situations in which money is exchanged for services or the privilege to engage in certain activities within a mobile or console game.

                      Antonio: LoL is a totally free Pay to Play game MOBA game.
                      Zeeshan: That's awesome, so you haven't spent any money on it?
                      Antonio: Only 300$. But dat Annie skin is jus' so sweet man.
                      Zeeshan: You don't read Penny Arcade do you...

                      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                        8

                        Legacy Code

                        Legacy code is source code that relates to a no-longer supported, manufactured operating system or other computer technology.

                        To punish Lewis, the senior engineer decided to make him read and edit legacy code for an entire week.

                        Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 8 years ago

                          8

                          Rollback

                          Generally refers to when you push bad code to production and you want to undo your changes by rolling back to a previous release

                          I've made a huge mistake. Do a rollback

                          Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 8 years ago