FuctCo5K
FuctCo5K (26)

52

Early Employee

A founder who will take 1% of the company instead of 25%. This is a polite way of saying "sucker."

CEO: "We couldn't have done it without a few great early employees."

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne almost 9 years ago

  • SingleCommaClub SingleCommaClub

    I still wouldn't minded having been an early employee at Facebook or Uber.

    4
    Reply
    almost 9 years ago
  • employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne

    @silconobserver Zach Holman.

    1
    Reply
    about 8 years ago
  • silconobserver silconobserver

    This is total and utter bullshit. The founder risks his entire savings, family/friend relationships and pours his life into his startup. When things finally begin to work he goes out and hires the first few employees. In return the "early employees" get paid market rate or slightly below market rate and get equity and the founder gets painted as a greedy bastard? Who is the real sucker here

    3
    Reply
    about 8 years ago
30

Vanity Metrics

Useless data that looks good but does not necessarily correlate real success.

Bob: Our website gets a million views daily!
Mark: How many of them are you converting to paid users?
Bob: Well.. we are still working on that.

Added by serge serge almost 9 years ago

59

Non-technical Cofounder

A Wharton MBA who will overestimate the value of his idea and underestimate the value of the person who will implement it. Often wonders why his technical cofounders leave him and the apps they build look like shit and get hacked all the time.

Non-technical Cofounder: Why do all these technical cofounders leave me? Did they not see the MBA from Wharton in my email? I'm telling you right now, I know how to write a business plan. I even offered the last guy 10% of my company.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

5

Scrappy

A word used by startup founders to justify the unethical tactics they use to grow their companies.

Jen: Did you really just scrape all of that site's content and then email their users to promote your own website? Omg thats so admirable. You're so scrappy

Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

    13

    Zero Billion

    Any amount under 1 billion, rendering you off of Forbes billionaire's list, if you round down.

    I'm not a billionaire anymore. I'm a nine-hundred-and-eighty-sixionaire, which isn't even a fucking thing. If you round down, I have zero billion.

    Added by mczajka mczajka almost 9 years ago

      4

      Linkedin Recommendation

      Something you write in response to a Linkedin recommendation you receive or if you want to receive a new Linkedin recommendation.

      Arrel: You know, I could just ask David for a Linkedin recommendation but I found the most efficient way is to just recommend them and wait for the kickback recommendation

      Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

        7

        Do the Needful

        Usually coined by Tech workers of East Indian descent, in context means I have to do what I have to do to get the job done or to keep my Boss from firing me.

        "Yes, we have to do the Needful to beta test this new code by Friday"

        Added by Hammer Hammer almost 9 years ago

        • charlesjo charlesjo

          Only applies to esteemed organizations though ;)

          1
          Reply
          almost 9 years ago
        5

        Marketecture

        A set of powerpoint slides that visually represent a product or software architecture in such a beautiful way but it really hasn't been built or tested just yet.

        Wow what a great presentation and a real great idea, here is $20M. We hope the product they just presented isn't just Marketecture....ie. Marketing+Architecture

        Added by svchris svchris almost 9 years ago

        8

        Rollback

        Generally refers to when you push bad code to production and you want to undo your changes by rolling back to a previous release

        I've made a huge mistake. Do a rollback

        Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

          9

          Bear Goggles

          Similar to beer goggles, bear goggles refer to a the influence of studying at UC Berkeley on one's visual perception, whereby one slowly finds someone attractive who would not have been attractive before studying at UC Berkeley.

          James: What do you think about her? She's pretty hot, right?
          Dave: What are you on? You said she was hideous last semester. Did your optometrist prescribe you bear goggles?

          Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie almost 9 years ago

          5

          How Do You Like Them Apples

          A dorky (and almost non-sensical) Bay Area expression often used, when Apple releases a new version of their products, in an attempt to belittle someone else's older model and mock the slow pace in which they've adopted the new product.

          Originally taken out of context from a popular scene of the film, Good Will Hunting, where Matt Damon slaps a post-it note onto a diner window proclaiming his superiority after getting a girl's phone number.

          I just got the iWatch 2 bitches. How do you like them apples?

          Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 9 years ago

            4

            Equity Dilution

            Think of a share as a small unit of ownership in a company. When your shares are unprotected their value is dependent on factors outside your control, such as how many other shares are being distributed to other people. Equity dilution is when these factors decimate the value of your ownership.

            Even though Ron was a graduate of the Haas School of Business, he did not know what equity dilution was, so after a year of working at a Stanford student's startup, he lost all the control that he thought he would have.

            Added by HalfLife3 HalfLife3 almost 9 years ago

              7

              Digital Detox

              Taking a few days away from email, social media, and anything else that involves a glowing screen.
              Practicing major restraint — no Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. for an entire weekend, or any other length of time.

              "Don't worry if you don't hear from me this weekend — I'm doing a digital detox, so I won't see your message until Monday."

              Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 9 years ago

                8

                Bricked

                A piece of hardware that doesn’t function anymore because it was tampered with.
                You seriously messed up that upgrade, and now your entire device has been rendered useless.

                "I tried to install the most recent version of Windows on my old Mac, but it totally bricked the whole computer."

                Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 9 years ago

                  7

                  Valley Ageism

                  Belief that older software engineers aren't cool because they haven't learned the newest programming languages or aren't willing to work 16 hours a day because of family commitments. There's also pressure to do well at a young age due to the celebrity status of young entrepreneurs/engineers such as Mark Zuckerburg

                  The Carver: Your algorithm is solid. It's really good schema.
                  Richard: Ok... Thanks
                  The Carver: I thought you'd be younger. What are you 25?
                  Richard: 26
                  The Carver: Yikes

                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdXKdRoB9Wk

                  Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

                    8

                    Dogfooding

                    When companies use their own products, often in beta, to test and work out any bugs.
                    Dogfooding often results in companies catching glitches in their apps before they're released to the public.

                    "They really should have dogfooded that app before they released it — there were so many bugs!"

                    Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper almost 9 years ago

                      46

                      This changes everything

                      Nothing has changed. Pure marketing

                      See http://svdictionary.com/words/changing-the-world

                      Introducing the iPhone 4. This changes everything.

                      Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 9 years ago

                      • charlesjo charlesjo

                        Love it. Although, I did love my iPhone 4S. And it still runs like ALL Apple products I have ever owned!

                        2
                        Reply
                        almost 9 years ago
                      • thepaleking thepaleking

                        Doesn't change much to be honest, 99% marketing 1% decent phone

                        2
                        Reply
                        over 8 years ago
                      8

                      Legacy Code

                      Legacy code is source code that relates to a no-longer supported, manufactured operating system or other computer technology.

                      To punish Lewis, the senior engineer decided to make him read and edit legacy code for an entire week.

                      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 9 years ago

                        5

                        To Get Eduardofucked

                        Getting your equity diluted, while thinking that no one in the company hates you enough to fuck you over. This happened to a Facebook founder, Eduordo Saverin, by Mark Zuckerberg and Sean Parker. Goes under Zuckerberging and pretty much why he sued the fuck out of Facebook and Mark later on.

                        Let's Eduardofuck a bunch of Stanford MBAs who can do marketing and who don't know how cap tables work. We can promise them dilutable common stock and save a ton of money.

                        Added by HalfLife3 HalfLife3 almost 9 years ago

                          7

                          Pay to Play

                          Pay to play is a phrase used for a variety of situations in which money is exchanged for services or the privilege to engage in certain activities within a mobile or console game.

                          Antonio: LoL is a totally free Pay to Play game MOBA game.
                          Zeeshan: That's awesome, so you haven't spent any money on it?
                          Antonio: Only 300$. But dat Annie skin is jus' so sweet man.
                          Zeeshan: You don't read Penny Arcade do you...

                          Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 9 years ago