zazpowered
zazpowered (900)

4

Steve Jobs

The subject of Hollywood biopics and Silicon Valley biographies for the next couple decades. People on the internet (computer programmers in particular) complain about they are after paying money to see it.

He is also the founder of Apple Computer and Pixar Inc.

Hey Jimmy I'm sad because every Steve Jobs movie I watch is the same thing.
- YOUNG STEVE JOBS DOING PSYCHIADELICS
- HE'S BACK FROM INDIA (WOAH HOW RANDOM HES A VEGETARIAN NOW)
- STEVE JOBS LOOKING AT STEVE WOZNIAK WITH HIS MOUTH WATERING ABOUT HOW HE CAN SELL WHAT WOZ IS BUILDING
- STEVE JOBS HAS AN ILLIGENTIAMTE CHILD (WOAH HE NAMES THE COMPUTER AFTER IT LATER?!)
- STEVE JOBS YELLS AT SOME GUY WHO PROBABLY DOESN'T DESERVE IT. SOME GUY GETS MAD AT STEVE JOBS SAYING HE'S OUT OF LINE
- STEVE JOBS HIRES THE CEO OF PEPSI (DO YOU WANT TO SELL SUGAR WATER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WOAH HOW COOL)
- STEVE JOBS IS FIRED AND SCREAMS WHILE DRIVING HIS CAR HOME
- STEVE JOBS STARTS ANOTHER COMPANY AND ACTS LIKE A SMUG BASTARD WHEN THE COMPANY IS DOING SHITTY
- STEVE JOBS GOES BACK TO THE COMPANY AND IT DOES WELL (DISCREETLY ALLUDE TO THE IPOD)
- THROW IN SOMETHING ABOUT CALLIGRAPHY, WOZ EATING A HOTDOG, AND SOME DRAMATIC QUOTES TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT AND FADE TO BLACK

Let's watch Jurassic World instead because Dinosaurs.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 7 years ago

    8

    Bitcoin

    An internet exchange currency originally used on Silk Road that silicon valley entrepreneurs and investors don't want failing because their startup revolves around it. These same people rarely use it on a day to day basis.

    Jimmy: My startup lets you pay for ice cream using Bitcoin.
    Jerry: Awesome, as the founder of a Bitcoin company how many Bitcoins do you actually own?
    Jimmy: 0

    Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 7 years ago

      5

      Philz Coffee

      A coffee brand that Bay Area engineers and investors drink because Starbucks is too mainstream. They think their consuming premium beans, when really it's all based on multi-bean combinations that no one in their right mind can tell the difference between. Because they secretly know this they ask if you'd like cream and sugar (aka Philz Way)

      Zeeshan: Can I try your Ambarosia?
      Matt: Sure, let me try your Tesora.
      Zeeshan: Wow I taste a more buttery aftertaste in yours.
      Matt: Woah is that a hint of Blueberry.
      Justin: You guys are both full of shit. They taste exactly the same. This is Philz Coffee, not Blue Bottle.

      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 7 years ago

        3

        A Berkeley 3O

        The equivalent of a 4.0 GPA at the majority of top schools. Why the majority of Berkeley students have a hard time justifying their donations as alumni.

        I gotta a 3O this quarter. I love Stanford.

        Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 7 years ago

          6

          Tech Stars

          An incubator people apply to when getting rejected from YC. They aren't definitively worst it just always happens to be your second choice every time.

          I gotta move to Boston now that we got into Tech Stars and need a semi reputable incubator.

          Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 7 years ago

            5

            Shaving Yaktoseconds

            An amalgam of "yak shaving" and "shaving yoctoseconds". This line is commonly mistranscribed as "shaving yoctoseconds".

            "Yoctoseconds" - Second smallest unit of time, above the Planck time.

            "Yak shaving" - A term often used by programmers to mean a chain of useless activity that is prerequisite to a desired task. Can also mean intentional non-essential procrastination.

            References:

            https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/yak_shaving
            http://programmers.stackexchange.com/questions/34775/correct-definition-of-the-term-yak-shaving

            The line in the show could be interpreted as the team toiling away at even the most miniscule and seemingly-useless tasks to achieve tiny speed improvements.

            "We're about shaving yaktoseconds off latency for every layer in the stack." -Gilfoyle

            Added by derek9458 derek9458 almost 7 years ago

              5

              Yottabyte

              A very large number of bytes. 10^24 bytes to be exact, but this term can never be used in serious context, so it doesn't really matter.

              Dude 1: Dude how much porn do you have on there?
              Dude 2: Yottabytes dude.

              Added by zander zander almost 7 years ago

                11

                Hunted

                Your product or service has been featured on http://ProductHunt.com

                Person 1: Dude! This app is sick. Did you get hunted yet?
                Person 2: No. What's that?
                Person 1: Never mind...

                Added by Travis Travis almost 7 years ago

                  3

                  Uber-fied

                  Your service has been made so simple to use, it works with 1 click of a button, like http://uber.com

                  Person 1: Dude! If we uber-fied raising funding from VC's we'd be gods!
                  Person 2: ...opens XCode

                  Added by Travis Travis almost 7 years ago

                    26

                    Crushing it

                    Achieving exceptional success with something.

                    Jess is totally crushing it with her new Uber-for-VC-funding app. She's already been hunted.

                    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcS-zlgj4ak

                    Added by Travis Travis almost 7 years ago

                    • charlesjo charlesjo

                      Founders use this term until "Awesome Journey."

                      2
                      Reply
                      almost 7 years ago
                    30

                    Stack

                    Refers to the variety of technologies used to build and maintain your website, app, or service. Might also refer to a large amount of pancakes.

                    Son: Hey pops, wanna throw another stack on my plate? Pass the syrup too.
                    Pops: No son, your stack needs to maintainable, don't let your code base get out of control!

                    Added by zander zander almost 7 years ago

                      4

                      SME

                      Subject Matter Expert.

                      Steve is the SME for the Matlab project. Talk to him for guidance on that.

                      Added by slushieman slushieman almost 7 years ago

                        14

                        Cloud

                        A catch-all word the rest of the world can use for 90% of this dictionary, while still remaining smug about having used it.
                        *Works great in movies as well.

                        Joe: I don't get it...
                        Bill: It's simple: I put it in the Cloud! Duh.
                        Joe: Oh, okay. I get it now.

                        Added by dc2 dc2 almost 7 years ago

                          56

                          Engineer Unicorn

                          An engineer that is competent, good looking, dresses well and is not socially awkward.

                          John: How come no other engineers are like David?
                          Mary: He's an engineer unicorn. They are rare.

                          Added by pygmyknight pygmyknight almost 7 years ago

                          • torbenberger torbenberger

                            The legend says some of them can be found here http://www.engineerunicorns.com

                            2
                            Reply
                            almost 7 years ago
                          • employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne

                            "Unicorn" is a common term for an engineer (usually front-end) who also has good taste in design and is able to contribute to UX early on. But "unicorn" is also used for startups that turn out to be breakout successes, like Uber and Airbnb. Silicon Valley really likes unicorns.

                            3
                            Reply
                            almost 7 years ago
                          37

                          Uber of...

                          Commonly used by startup founders to compare their mediocre startup or idea to the startup unicorn Uber.

                          Startup Founder: We're the Uber of food delivery.
                          VC: Uhhh... so is everyone else.

                          Added by ssc242 ssc242 almost 7 years ago

                          • iceariel13 iceariel13

                            Yep, seamless, delivery,com, munchery, caviar...the list never ends

                            1
                            Reply
                            almost 7 years ago
                          • N.Hemingway N.Hemingway

                            You should additionally add "Facebook of..." probably the most heard phrase since 2010 ;D

                            1
                            Reply
                            almost 7 years ago
                          2

                          SME

                          An acronym for "Subject Matter Expert". Generally a person designated as the expert in a particular technology, process, or subject area within a company or organization. Often the title is an oxymoron and is given through a bureaucratic process where the person designated as the so called "expert" knows less about the subject than others yet insists on inserting themselves into the decision making process despite their inferior knowledge. They derive their power via their title rather than any actual factual information they may know.

                          The IT department can't install Chrome because the Browser SME declared that no more than 2 browsers will be supported and he choose IE and Firefox. He didn't provide any factual basis for his decision when it was announced but he did note that he was the browser SME and thus everyone had to abide by his decision.

                          Added by ipfreely ipfreely almost 7 years ago

                            5

                            To the moon

                            A phrase often used by those in the cryptocurrency community. Usually used when the value of currency goes up high very rapidly.

                            Bitcoin Jackson: WOW! One bitcoin is now worth $900! And it's only gonna go up! Up to the right and to the moon!!

                            A month later....

                            Bitcoin John: Hey Jackson, so I heard that you made a ton of money from bitcoins. Did you invest at its peak?
                            Bitcoin Jackson: yeah.... about that... I don't want to talk about it.

                            Added by svhunt svhunt almost 7 years ago

                              32

                              Gamification

                              Adding game elements to normally not game related software or processes in order to increase engagement.

                              A: User testing has shown that users don't like our accounting app.
                              B: We should really be adding some gamification.
                              A: Will that make the app more useful?
                              B: No, but more fun!

                              Added by graup graup almost 7 years ago

                                3

                                Level-up

                                To incrementally improve something, like an application feature or personal abilities.

                                "We need to level-up the user registration process before we go live."

                                "You need to level-up your people skills."

                                Added by alex alex almost 7 years ago

                                  9

                                  Unicorn

                                  A startup valued at over $1 billion dollars. Also a mythical horse-like creature with a single horn on its forehead.

                                  Founder 1: I'm now the proud CEO of a Unicorn after our latest Series D
                                  Founder 2: Ugh, Unicorns are so 2012. It's all about the Decacorns now.

                                  Added by ssc242 ssc242 almost 7 years ago