zazpowered (900)
Lead Investor
When raising a large round of seed money, the lead investor is your headliner that makes it more convincing for other investors to get on board.
After Ashton Kutcher became our lead investor, every bloodsucking leach in the valley decided to send me emails asking if they could get in on the round.
GoogleEngineer almost 9 years ago30 Under 30
How Forbes maintains interest and increases web traffic among a younger audiences who are known to frequent their site less.
Peter: I made 30 Under 30 this year. Ryan: You're 31. Peter: Not like Forbes gives a shit or can tell the difference.
yungsnuggie about 8 years agocrude filter
An efficient way to filter quality which is not as good as the disruptive and more accurate filtering technology which is coming.
Q: What's your IQ?
A: 180
Q: That's impressive, but it won't matter soon; IQ is a crude filter for success.
jbark55 about 8 years agoCoffee Maker
In many offices a coffee maker refers to a machine that produces coffee. In Silicon Valley however, a coffee maker is an actual human being (normally an intern) whose job it is to grind the coffee beans by hand and brew drip coffee.
In many places it is culturally unacceptable to drink coffee that isn't freshly brewed or use beans that aren't single origin.
Bill the Intern: Here's your coffee Justin.
Justin: Thanks Bill. The kale leaves on the side are a nice touch. *sips.* Bill come over here for a second.
Bill the Intern: What can I do for you Justin. I hope your enjoying the Tesora blend they had on sale at Philz.
Justin: First off, you disgust me. Second off, I never want to see your face in this office again. I hope it goes without saying that you are THE worst coffee maker this company has ever had. What have we learned today?
Bill the Intern: Single origin only...
Justin: Good. Now get out.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years ago
Startup Wet Dreaming
A nocturnal emission that occurs at the thought of one's startup being acquired or achieving vast success.
Julie: These sheets....what the hell. Are you cheating on me? Ryan: Sorry babe, I've been startup wet dreaming ever since Tech Stars accepted our team. Love ya.
HalfLife3 almost 9 years agoThis may have happened to me before
Working Remotely
Sounds fancy, but its basically when someone is too lazy to go to the office so they do minimal work from home. If they do this often enough they take a picture of their computer at a nice coffee shop or dining table saying how lucky they are to have the job they do to mask their small amount of shame.
Lowe: I got 20 likes on my Facebook picture of me working remotely. Ryan: Your an unfunded startup founder, you ALWAYS work remotely.
HalfLife3 almost 9 years agoStartup Marketing Intern
Free labor for early stage startups that normally do data entry and social media related work. They don't normally get paid but want a job for the summer so are willing to do whatever to add to their embarrassingly empty LinkedIn page.
Jack: Holy shit Max! You're company is huge. You already have 9 people here. Paul: Don't be too impressed Jack. 7 of them are unpaid marketing interns.
HalfLife3 almost 9 years agoI see this very often
Teamvesting
When an investor puts money in a startup based on the team and not the idea, product, or traction.
Martha: Wow, I gotta hand it to George, his team actually raised 30k. I thought his idea was terrible. James: Nah, don't be too impressed I heard an angel just teamvested in them because they all graduated from Stanford.
covfefelord almost 9 years agoY Combinator
A higher-order function that satisfies the "fixed point theorem"
Professor: "We have Y = [\f . (\x . f(xx) ) . (\x . f(xx)) ], that we call the Y-Combinator"
Business student: "SORRY PROFESSOR BUT YOU ARE WRONG. Y COMBINATOR IS AN INCUMBATOR OK???"
Professor: "Please calm down Michael, Paul Graham is indeed very inspired, and enthusiastic about lambda calculus but this..."
Business student: "NO HE IS THE FOUNDER OF Y-COMBINATOR, I HAVE PROOFS"
Professor: "Sigh."
freefunctor almost 9 years agoVienna waits for you
When someone puts work at the expense of their personal lives to the point of extremity.
http://javatroopers.com/Peopleware.html#Chapter_3
John : Hey Bill, you looked like you aged 30 years since I last saw you. It's been a while, how goes it on your startup?
Bill : It's going OK, i've spent so much on this company that my wife left me though, I still gotta trudge on to get it out there.
John : Well Bill, Vienna waits for you.
mwang over 8 years agoToronto / University of Toronto
The place that thinks they're the best engineering school in the True North Strong and Free, however is actually inferior especially in terms of entrepreneurship as compared to the University of Waterloo. But at the very least without us, Waterloo can't scale because at the end of the day they're still a small suburban town in the middle of nowhere.
Author of the Word - yes I attend the University of Toronto but even I know that it's worse than Waterloo when it comes to startups, tech, and innovation. Conglaturations you Waterloo engineers!
tosfan4ever almost 9 years agoJack Dorsey
Founder of Square and Twitter. He reads alot of books on self-improvement and tries to build a zen-like culture within the work place like a poor man's Phil Jackson.
Jack Dorsey made us hold hands after the meeting today in a circle. It was awkward because I hear Stacy doesn't wash her hands after going to the bathroom.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years agoPretendgineer
An external Engineer who pretends to have all god given code-writing-abilities to built "the next big thing" but in all actuality doesn't qualify and once given the deal secretly hires a real but less expensive Engineer to do the job.
Hiring Person: "Great, before you receive the deal I'd like you to quickly show me your code-writing-skills, just a precaution to be sure you are not an pretendgineer" Pretendgineer: "Well, actually I ain't really prepared to write right now BUT if you want I can send you a codesample by next week? "
N.Hemingway over 8 years agoinitial commit
After using the `git init` command, "initial commit" is the overused futile message used when committing the initial code to a repo
Person A: I just started a new project and "initial commit" seems boring
Person B: I always just use what http://whatthecommit.com/ gives me
Person A: "Copywrite Microsoft 1978" it is
Mrandrewandrade over 8 years agoIf you are actually a 10x enough dude to use a random initial commit message: git config --global alias.yolo '!git commit -m "$(curl -s whatthecommit.com/index.txt)"' git yolo
omfg, this is gold!
Swoop n' Poop
When a stakeholder, manager, or client who has not been involved in the project drops into a meeting and adds extra functionality requirements or makes comments that change the scope.
Everything was going fine until Chad came in out of no where and pulled a "Swoop n' Poop". Now we are three days until deadline and have to scrap the whole thing!
RobotCowboy over 8 years agoHogrammer
A male or female freelance engineer who trades their engineering expertise for sex on the down low.
Herman is a bisexual hogrammer who codes for MBAs if they promise to sleep with him.
yungsnuggie about 8 years ago....
Neckbeard
People with facial hair on their neck, most of the time in lieu of their face. Chances are that if a software engineer is a neckbeard they are amoung the highest paid engineers in the company and/or are extremely smart.
I've never seen a neckbeard and a girl in the same photo, but damn they're the closest thing to ancient wizards Silicon Valley has.
yungsnuggie about 8 years agolol
Coffee Shop Nomad
An entrepreneur (or group of entrepreneurs) that goes from coffee shop to coffee instead of shelling out the money for dedicated office space.
Julia and her team are coffee shop nomads that alternate between Sightglass, Starbucks, and Philz coffee.
yungsnuggie about 8 years agoEngineer Agencies
Agencies run by engineers who pimp out other engineers and themselves to big companies and startups for a per hour/week wage. This can be more lucrative and give more freedom to said engineers who work on their own time.
James sought the help of an Engineer Agency to build an initial version of his OnDemand Condom delivery service for iOS and Android.
yungsnuggie about 8 years agoPhilz Coffee
A coffee brand that Bay Area engineers and investors drink because Starbucks is too mainstream. They think their consuming premium beans, when really it's all based on multi-bean combinations that no one in their right mind can tell the difference between. Because they secretly know this they ask if you'd like cream and sugar (aka Philz Way)
Zeeshan: Can I try your Ambarosia?
Matt: Sure, let me try your Tesora.
Zeeshan: Wow I taste a more buttery aftertaste in yours.
Matt: Woah is that a hint of Blueberry.
Justin: You guys are both full of shit. They taste exactly the same. This is Philz Coffee, not Blue Bottle.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years ago
coffee culture is crazy