zazpowered (900)
Sweat Equity
The equity you put in for your hard work. When an investor uses this term, it's normally a red flag and it becomes obvious that they are probably not a professional investor.
I'm takkkin' 45% percent of your comapany cuz I invested 10k into your app. You divide the other 55% amoung your founders as sweat equity.
yungsnuggie over 8 years agoVirtual Christmas
Simulating the perfect holiday on one's VR helmet sitting alone in one's apartment.
http://churchm.ag/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/TheGreatestGift.jpg
I decided to cancel my trip back home, break up with my girlfriend, and have a Virtual Christmas this year.
yungsnuggie over 8 years agoPre-Funded
An incredibly douchey way of describing a startup that hasn't raised venture capital or angel money. Technically anything you create is pre-funded so using this adjective only serves to show that you are insecure from not having raised money and that you're desperate for attention.
We're a pre-funded startup looking for design hackers that want to get their work into production super early and have a real impact on product.
yungsnuggie over 8 years agoDatabase Problem
A classification of any problem which makes the speaker sound more intelligent by reframing the discussion while often resulting in no constructive next steps.
Q: I can't figure out how to get my startup to grow faster.
A: It's actually just a database problem.
jbark55 about 8 years agoBing It
An expression created by a marketing team within Microsoft that hypothesized that people would say this over the more commonly used expression "Google it."
Microsoft Marketing Rep: I want you to figure out Google's market share.
Bing Product Engineer: Sure one sec let me Google it.
Microsoft Marketing Rep: NO! Bing it!
Bing Product Engineer: Oh right, I forgot.
yungsnuggie almost 9 years agoCustomer churn
Customer churn refers to when a customer (player, subscriber, user, etc.) ceases his or her relationship with a company. Online businesses typically treat a customer as churned once a particular amount of time has elapsed since the customer's last interaction with the site or service.
Sky customer services uses a newer and far more accurate approach to customer churn prediction: at the core of Sky’s ability to accurately predict which customers will churn is a unique method of calculating customer lifetime value for each and every customer. - http://qwikfix.co.uk/sky-customer-services/
blog about 8 years ago
Sticker Whore
Someone who sticks dozens of corporate and code related stickers on their computer to show the world how much of a techie they are.
In his Gender and Womens Studies class, Ryan the sticker whore, pulled out his computer with clearly visible html 5, Node Js, MongDB, Facebook, octocat, and reddit stickers to impress his classmates.
yungsnuggie about 8 years agoI see this so often
Convertible Debt
An investment instrument which allows both founders and investors to procrastinate on the most important aspect of a business. Essentially an investment in a flamewar. Both entrepreneur and investor can share the delusion of cutting legal costs by skimping necessary discussions which usually backfire and lead to unfair dilution if the company succeeds or ruined professional and personal relationships when the company fails.
Sam: I just raised a million dollars for my startup, GooberData! Kayla: Cool, how? Sam: A convertible note! Hey, where are you going?
willgr81 almost 8 years agoI like your style.
Angel Investor
The typical Angel Investor can be found in its natural habit, either grazing in the open pastures of tech conferences or herding in secret groups with other Angel Investors. If you happen to be lucky enough to encounter an Angel Investor in the wild, don't try to feed it with Buzzwords as it would run away. Instead, be honest and and try to listen more than you speak.
Hannah: Duuude, I met this Angel Investor at the conference last week and it was sooo cool! I even got a picture Jack: Woah! They really do have wings
willgr81 almost 8 years agoFree Food
An excellent fringe benefit that increases employee morale, public image and work culture quality at low cost, it might even allow companies to pay out lower salaries or have better negotiation leverage for new hires.
Goldman Sachs employee: Yeah I go out to eat every so often, but I like to make my own lunch.
Facebook employee: Ha! we get free food every meal at Facebook!
Goldman Sachs employee: I hope you're stuffing it down, cuz all that free food comes out of your bonus pool! I just get a fatter check every year.
Facebook employee: *cries*
willgr81 almost 8 years agoRIGBY
"Richard is great, but y'know"
Basically a technique of abbreviating the positive preface to a conversation to get to the point.
RIGBY he's an arrogant prick.
RIGBY he sweats profusely and makes a terrible CEO
yungsnuggie about 8 years agoLawyer
Bloodsucking parasites which benefit by deriving nutrients at the host's expense.
Founder 1: So what can you do for our company?
Lawyer: Well I can help you incorporate.
Founder 2: Just did that on legal zoom for $250
Lawyer: I, I can help you negotiate term sheets
Founder 2: Just googled everything we need to know about convertible debt
Lawyer: uhh, uhh, I can do other stuff too! Here, look, my finger's not really cut off! See!
Founder 1: Haha, that's nifty. Okay, we'll keep your card
Lawyer: *Desperately* Thank you!
Founder 1: *Flushes card down toilet after meeting*
willgr81 almost 8 years agolol
Bachelor's Degree
An academic degree which typically consists of about 40 college classes in a particular field of study. Much like a startup, it is typically either undervalued (by the uneducated) or overvalued (by zealous parents) rather than being appreciated in equanimity as a testament to consistent work under an educational institution. Also known as Peter Thiel's Kryptonite
Harold: So I see that you got a Bachelor's Degree just last year? Katelyn: Yes, in Electrical Engineering Harold: Hmm, so can you use Linux? Katelyn: ...
willgr81 almost 8 years agoDown Round
When you spend a borrowed $20, hit your pal up for $10 more, then wonder why your friends stop financing you.
After this, you can become a Zombie Startup [1] or write a Medium post about your Awesome Journey [2]. [1] http://svdictionary.com/words/zombie-startup
[2] http://svdictionary.com/words/awesome-journey
employeeNumbaOne almost 8 years agoIncredible Journey
Game over.
We have some exciting news to share! Parse has joined forces with Facebook. It's been an incredible journey, and together we'll be able to offer -- -- lol jk, we're winding down the Parse service, and Parse will be fully retired after a year-long period ending on January 28, 2017. We're proud that we've been able to help so many of you build great mobile apps, but Facebook bought us to kill us. We're just sticking around until we're fully vested. After that, we're out. Fuck those guys.
employeeNumbaOne almost 8 years agoHackathon
A team of sweaty engineers in a cramped coworking space building a product that will never see the light of day. Business and marketing types can assist this effort by bringing caffeinated drinks. Brought to you by Amazon.
At the end, the most vaguely marketable product might get investor attention. If so, it will use AWS forever.
Engineer (excitedly): "I'm going to a hackathon this weekend!" Engineer (exhaustedly): "I went to a hackathon this weekend."
employeeNumbaOne almost 9 years agoDoes anyone make money around here?
This question means different things depending on who's asking it and when.
1. When customers start asking this, the company is Pre-Revenue.
2. When investors start asking this, it's about to be a Down Round.
3. When the founders start asking this, it's been an Awesome Journey.
1: http://svdictionary.com/words/pre-revenue
2: http://svdictionary.com/words/down-round
3: http://svdictionary.com/words/awesome-journey
employeeNumbaOne almost 8 years agoHousing Bubble
The artificial evolutionary mechanism which causes Silicon Valley to have a strong economy (because of the high density of wealth and talent) while simultaneously creating a permanent homeless problem.
Alicia: Hey, I'm thinking of relocating to the Bay Area. I'll be making $170K and my husband will stay at home to take care of the kids. Do you think that's enough? Diego: Hmm, well, move into a bad neighborhood, with a 2 hour commute and a shitty school district and you're cooking! Alicia: Haha, wait.... You're serious? Diego: Ohh Yea! You'll be cooking a lot too unless you want to spend $15 on a burger. Fast food employees gotta pay rent too! Thanks to this Housing Bubble
willgr81 almost 8 years agoAgile
In a medium-sized and growing company, Agile can be a learning experience for everyone.
BigCo managers learn what it's like to ship tiny things instead of meeting about big things.
Software engineers learn what it's like to have parental supervision.
Early employees learn how to quit while they're ahead.
Manager: "We will remove obstacles from your workflow and refrain from micromanagement."
Engineer: "We will regularly estimate our stories and log our work."
Engineer: "Wait a minute, where's Early Employee?"
employeeNumbaOne almost 8 years agoReal Estate
One of the species of apps that keep getting made. They're really just digitized indexes of local landlords shat onto a Google Maps visualization or optimize one or more parts of the leasing process. They're not quite scalable, but many have become profitable parts of their community. It is estimated that every year:
Hundreds of thousands of variants of Real Estate apps are pitched
Thousands are built to an MVP
A couple hundred end up creating a sustainable business around the "digital" part of the Real Estate industry
Jao-lin: So our Real Estate app oversees about $30,000 a month in leasing transactions Brian: That's actually not trollish for something like this part of the internet
willgr81 almost 8 years ago
We need a word for marketing through svdictionary definitions