zazpowered (901)
Ballmer Peak
Discovered by Microsoft in the late 80's, somehow a blood alcohol content between 0.129% and 0.138% confers superhuman programming ability.
Alice: "The Ballmer Peak is a delicate effect requiring careful calibration. You can't just give a team of coders a year's supply of whiskey and tell them to get cracking. Bob: "Has that ever happened?" Alice: "Remember Windows ME?"
hunterlane over 9 years agoThree Commas Club
Three commas to imply a billion dollars as $1,000,000,000 has 3 commas. To be in the three commas club is to be a billionaire.
Richard’s literalness remains the one thing to rattle Russ. “You know what has three commas in it, Richard?” “A sentence with two appositive phrases in it?”
arunaharsa over 9 years agoNomophobia
The irrational and all-consuming fear of being out of cell phone contact.
Coined by British researchers. An abbreviation of no-mobile-phone-phobia.
"I left my phone at home this morning and I feel like I've lost a limb. I'm suffering from severe nomophobia." "When my battery hits 5% I get jittery. I must be suffering from nomophobia."
doctornomo over 9 years agoZero Billion
Any amount under 1 billion, rendering you off of Forbes billionaire's list, if you round down.
I'm not a billionaire anymore. I'm a nine-hundred-and-eighty-sixionaire, which isn't even a fucking thing. If you round down, I have zero billion.
mczajka over 9 years agoSingle Point of Failure
When your start-up has only one unisex toilet for the whole building.
Our single point of failure is backed up to "the cloud" (or "the butt")
FuctCo5K over 9 years agoDisruptive
An adjective to describe a start-up or technology that thrashes resources in the economy, because causing people to lose their means of income and scotching the value of resources is super fun and awesome.
This disruptive vegetable/fruit-picking technology will help migrant laborers lose their jobs so they can go back to their homeland and get decapitated by drug cartels.
FuctCo5K over 9 years agoEat Your Own Dog Food
Actually using the product that you make.
To realize the users' pain points with your product, you have to eat your own dog food and actually use it.
trescomas over 9 years agoRubber Duck Debugging
Many programmers have had the experience of explaining a programming problem to someone else, possibly even to someone who knows nothing about programming, and then hitting upon the solution in the process of explaining the problem. In describing what the code is supposed to do and observing what it actually does, any incongruity between these two becomes apparent.
"Hey dude, are you talking to someone?" Nah dude, I'm just rubber duck debugging. "Oh cool, thought you were crazy."
Spshulem over 9 years agoDuck Syndrome
The duck syndrome is where on the surface of things, someone seems normal and are floating along peacefully. However, the truth is that underneath the water the person is paddling feverishly to keep going.
People: Oh dude! Everything in the startup world seems fun!
You: Oh yeah man! I love it, it's super easy. *cries deeply inside*
Spshulem over 9 years agoCulture Reset
The CEO's or CTO's reason for firing half of the engineering department.
"Steve, with our new culture reset, we're going to have to let you go. You just didn't fit the culture."
planningtime over 9 years agoInnovator
A catch-all euphemism for "douchebag." Frequently used to a) describe one's self in a Twitter bio/LinkedIn headline or b) describe others when you're not really sure what they do exactly, but it probably has something to do with disruption or artisanal donuts or growth hacking or some shit.
Your LinkedIn headline: "Innovator/CEO of Douche, The World's First Ephemeral Craft Beer Wearable."
supernovanGirl over 9 years agoMaven
The go-to self-descriptor for social media marketing professionals in their 20-somethings. They, like, totally know social media and can tweet for your brand and stuff. Used interchangeably with guru, expert, ninja, etc.
I went through these résumés and threw out anyone who referred to themselves as a "social media maven."
supernovanGirl over 9 years agoRental Property
The only real way to make money in Silicon Valley.
Owning Silicon Valley rental property sure beats working for a living!
FuctCo5K over 9 years agoWho's Hiring
A once-a-month opportunity for startups and tech companies get their grimy hands on the website HackerNews and post their job listings. Qualifications often include being a code ninja (http://svdictionary.com/words/code-ninja) or a 10x engineer (http://svdictionary.com/words/10x-engineer) for little pay and long hours because you get equity, yo.
HackerNews: 'Who's hiring?'
Every startup: 'we are and we're the best bc of culture and stuff, yo.'
zander over 9 years agoThe Steve Jobs Diet
A dietary regimen containing mostly fruits, nuts, seeds, vegetables and grains with a higher to average ratio of apples and carrots. Absolutely no animal products.
I decided to go on the Steve Jobs Diet because Steve is my icon. That's why there are only apples and carrots in the house.
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoAdding Wheels To A Moving Car
Expecting the design or development team to scope a feature without definition or complete explanation while the product is being built.
Them: "How long would it take you to add this feature to the product?"
You: "I'm not sure I understand what the product and feature even is, let alone how to estimate it."
Them: "Well, just give me a ballpark..."
You: "That would be like adding wheels to a moving car."
RobotCowboy over 9 years agoOutside-In Engineer
An engineer who doesn't display fear, anger, happiness, sadness or disgust, 5 key emotions popularized in Pixar's Inside Out.
After being toured around Google X, Jack determined that most of the engineers seemed like outside-in engineers who didn't reveal a single emotion in his presence.
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoHovering Art Director
Anyone who stands over you and tells you to do something on your screen.
Originates from ad marketing but applies to design and development.
Ted: "Click on that and drag it to the left. Great, now move that down. More. More. Good."
Nancy: "Stop smudging my screen, you hovering art director!"
RobotCowboy over 9 years agoMD Daydreamer
A doctor who has passive regrets on his life choices and wonders on the inside whether he or she had what it took to start his or her own business. They makes it a priority to take the opportunity to pitch patients who work in software (regardless of what company they work for) in between his or her diagnosis and sometimes at dinner parties.
I stopped going to Dr. Jacobson who is an MD Daydreamer. He always pitches me his idea for canine heart monitors that sends out tweets once a day.
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoDINK
Duel Income, No Kids - A co-worker who is married to another tech who makes as much as you do. They don't have any kids and spend their time buying things on Amazon Prime, paying for movies on Apple TV, drinking wine from an online wine delivery club, and drive their BMWs to spin class, yoga, and to drop their dogs off at doggie-daycare.
"Must be nice to have a partner that makes as much as you do. You DINKs have it all."
RobotCowboy over 9 years ago
Freeze yr eggs, bitch. I'm sure your career will improve so that you can feel OK to have kids.... someday. Hahaha sucker.