iceariel13
iceariel13 (0)

35

Brogrammer

When you mix your typical engineer with your typical frat boy. The official heuristic to identify a brogrammer in your organization is when you can't tell whether the suspect is part of your engineering team or your sales team.

David: I originally thought Kilim was a programmer but he's been popping his collar and talking a lot. Is he a brogrammer?

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 3 years ago

27

Silicon Valley Billionaire

Silicon Valley Billionaires tend to be younger, poorer dressed and generally less douchey than billionaires from other areas. Some are so poorly dressed that it is often hard to distinguish one from a hobo. In New York, a 23 year old scrawny male with t-shirt and jeans might be told to fuck off at a Lambourhini dealership but the same thing would never happen in Silicon Valley.

Sales person: Do you think I should even talk to that guy over there. It doesn't look like he can afford a car.
2nd sales person: That's Mark Zuckerberg

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 3 years ago

55

Engineer Unicorn

An engineer that is competent, good looking, dresses well and is not socially awkward.

John: How come no other engineers are like David?
Mary: He's an engineer unicorn. They are rare.

Added by pygmyknight pygmyknight over 3 years ago

36

Uber of...

Commonly used by startup founders to compare their mediocre startup or idea to the startup unicorn Uber.

Startup Founder: We're the Uber of food delivery.
VC: Uhhh... so is everyone else.

Added by ssc242 ssc242 over 3 years ago

52

Early Employee

A founder who will take 1% of the company instead of 25%. This is a polite way of saying "sucker."

CEO: "We couldn't have done it without a few great early employees."

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne over 3 years ago

25

Engineer Hot Girl Syndrome

When a non-technical founder starts treating really good engineers like attractive girls, asking them out to dinner, buying them gifts arbitrarily, and sometimes getting nervous in their presence.

Zeeshan's friend Vishnu is such a good programmer I get engineer hot girl syndrome in his presence. I want him on our team so badly.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 3 years ago

57

Non-technical Cofounder

A Wharton MBA who will overestimate the value of his idea and underestimate the value of the person who will implement it. Often wonders why his technical cofounders leave him and the apps they build look like shit and get hacked all the time.

Non-technical Cofounder: Why do all these technical cofounders leave me? Did they not see the MBA from Wharton in my email? I'm telling you right now, I know how to write a business plan. I even offered the last guy 10% of my company.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 3 years ago

35

MBA

Certification that you've read case studies on how others have succeeded.

Steve: Have you started your business yet?
Jeremey: No I'm getting my MBA. I'll start my first business when I'm 30 and have a wife and kids.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 3 years ago

30

Vanity Metrics

Useless data that looks good but does not necessarily correlate real success.

Bob: Our website gets a million views daily!
Mark: How many of them are you converting to paid users?
Bob: Well.. we are still working on that.

Added by serge serge over 3 years ago

20

Technical Founder

A 5.0 student from MIT, the technical founder is a lone wolf who thinks business people are completely useless. You're a social media manager? Get the fuck out of here. His code is perfectly architected, clean and commented in all the right places. His startups fail because he doesn't think writing CSS is worth his time and his sites look like shit as a result.

Technical founder: I was almost about to team up with a non-technical cofounder but then he told me he wanted a user interface to manage our sites content.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 3 years ago

  • blog blog

    I’m a sarasota life coach & Tech Aficionado with a background in Computer Engineer and Management. Based out of San Francisco, I excel at bridging the gap between technical and non-technical teams and creating technologies and products that people love. I currently work at Facebook as a Technology Partner. In my spare time, I enjoy being in the outdoors, camping and the occasional racquetball game. I’ve had a lifelong passion for computers and have had a career that has spanned over a number of industries.

    1
    Reply
    over 3 years ago
  • employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne

    @blog Congrats, you're an http://svdictionary.com/words/innovator

    1
    Reply
    over 3 years ago
  • Login to leave a comment.
7

Three Commas Club

Three commas to imply a billion dollars as $1,000,000,000 has 3 commas. To be in the three commas club is to be a billionaire.

Richard’s literalness remains the one thing to rattle Russ. “You know what has three commas in it, Richard?” “A sentence with two appositive phrases in it?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzMUrB-Um1Y

Added by arunaharsa arunaharsa over 3 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
5

Zynga

A word used to describe the flashing and annoying ads which consume the lower 1/3 of your phone's screen.

Bro #1: Taking my phone to the shop, there's this weird Zynga on my screen that refuses to go away.
Bro #2: Ha, I had to throw mine in the trash to get rid of it.

Added by That_Guy That_Guy over 3 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
7

Escape Velocity

Speed at which meaningless buzzwords escape the lips of Pebble-wearing hipster entrepreneurs and Fitbit-wearing overweight VCs, when talking about rapidly growing start ups. Currently clocked at an average of 240 wpm.

VC: How do you plan to achieve your projected engagement numbers?
Entrepreneur: We plan to hack together a MVP by leveraging weekly Scrums and neutralize our burn r...
VC: I think you just achieved escape velocity.

Added by That_Guy That_Guy over 3 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
6

Uber Funded

When your startup is funded from the side cash made off of Uber driving.

Zayne: Have you guys raised a round of funding?

Pan: We are in fact, Uber funded.

Zayne: Right...congrats?

Added by HalfLife3 HalfLife3 over 3 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.
5

Lava Pressure

Intentionally making your life worse every time your startup doesn't pass a milestone.

Reynolds keeps putting lava pressure on his team by smashing a monitor everytime their company doesn't gain 10% more users in a given month.

Added by HalfLife3 HalfLife3 over 3 years ago

  • Login to leave a comment.