iceariel13
iceariel13 (0)

35

Brogrammer

When you mix your typical engineer with your typical frat boy. The official heuristic to identify a brogrammer in your organization is when you can't tell whether the suspect is part of your engineering team or your sales team.

David: I originally thought Kilim was a programmer but he's been popping his collar and talking a lot. Is he a brogrammer?

Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

  • bkelly bkelly

    More useful information for problogrammer here IBM

    1
    Reply
    about 4 years ago
29

Silicon Valley Billionaire

Silicon Valley Billionaires tend to be younger, poorer dressed and generally less douchey than billionaires from other areas. Some are so poorly dressed that it is often hard to distinguish one from a hobo. In New York, a 23 year old scrawny male with t-shirt and jeans might be told to fuck off at a Lambourhini dealership but the same thing would never happen in Silicon Valley.

Sales person: Do you think I should even talk to that guy over there. It doesn't look like he can afford a car.
2nd sales person: That's Mark Zuckerberg

Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

    56

    Engineer Unicorn

    An engineer that is competent, good looking, dresses well and is not socially awkward.

    John: How come no other engineers are like David?
    Mary: He's an engineer unicorn. They are rare.

    Added by pygmyknight pygmyknight almost 5 years ago

    • torbenberger torbenberger

      The legend says some of them can be found here http://www.engineerunicorns.com

      2
      Reply
      almost 5 years ago
    • employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne

      "Unicorn" is a common term for an engineer (usually front-end) who also has good taste in design and is able to contribute to UX early on. But "unicorn" is also used for startups that turn out to be breakout successes, like Uber and Airbnb. Silicon Valley really likes unicorns.

      2
      Reply
      almost 5 years ago
    37

    Uber of...

    Commonly used by startup founders to compare their mediocre startup or idea to the startup unicorn Uber.

    Startup Founder: We're the Uber of food delivery.
    VC: Uhhh... so is everyone else.

    Added by ssc242 ssc242 almost 5 years ago

    • iceariel13 iceariel13

      Yep, seamless, delivery,com, munchery, caviar...the list never ends

      1
      Reply
      almost 5 years ago
    • N.Hemingway N.Hemingway

      You should additionally add "Facebook of..." probably the most heard phrase since 2010 ;D

      1
      Reply
      almost 5 years ago
    52

    Early Employee

    A founder who will take 1% of the company instead of 25%. This is a polite way of saying "sucker."

    CEO: "We couldn't have done it without a few great early employees."

    Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne almost 5 years ago

    • SingleCommaClub SingleCommaClub

      I still wouldn't minded having been an early employee at Facebook or Uber.

      4
      Reply
      almost 5 years ago
    • employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne

      @silconobserver Zach Holman.

      1
      Reply
      about 4 years ago
    • silconobserver silconobserver

      This is total and utter bullshit. The founder risks his entire savings, family/friend relationships and pours his life into his startup. When things finally begin to work he goes out and hires the first few employees. In return the "early employees" get paid market rate or slightly below market rate and get equity and the founder gets painted as a greedy bastard? Who is the real sucker here

      3
      Reply
      about 4 years ago
    26

    Engineer Hot Girl Syndrome

    When a non-technical founder starts treating really good engineers like attractive girls, asking them out to dinner, buying them gifts arbitrarily, and sometimes getting nervous in their presence.

    Zeeshan's friend Vishnu is such a good programmer I get engineer hot girl syndrome in his presence. I want him on our team so badly.

    Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 5 years ago

      59

      Non-technical Cofounder

      A Wharton MBA who will overestimate the value of his idea and underestimate the value of the person who will implement it. Often wonders why his technical cofounders leave him and the apps they build look like shit and get hacked all the time.

      Non-technical Cofounder: Why do all these technical cofounders leave me? Did they not see the MBA from Wharton in my email? I'm telling you right now, I know how to write a business plan. I even offered the last guy 10% of my company.

      Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

      35

      MBA

      Certification that you've read case studies on how others have succeeded.

      Steve: Have you started your business yet?
      Jeremey: No I'm getting my MBA. I'll start my first business when I'm 30 and have a wife and kids.

      Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie almost 5 years ago

      30

      Vanity Metrics

      Useless data that looks good but does not necessarily correlate real success.

      Bob: Our website gets a million views daily!
      Mark: How many of them are you converting to paid users?
      Bob: Well.. we are still working on that.

      Added by serge serge almost 5 years ago

      20

      Technical Founder

      A 5.0 student from MIT, the technical founder is a lone wolf who thinks business people are completely useless. You're a social media manager? Get the fuck out of here. His code is perfectly architected, clean and commented in all the right places. His startups fail because he doesn't think writing CSS is worth his time and his sites look like shit as a result.

      Technical founder: I was almost about to team up with a non-technical cofounder but then he told me he wanted a user interface to manage our sites content.

      Added by zazpowered zazpowered almost 5 years ago

      7

      Three Commas Club

      Three commas to imply a billion dollars as $1,000,000,000 has 3 commas. To be in the three commas club is to be a billionaire.

      Richard’s literalness remains the one thing to rattle Russ. “You know what has three commas in it, Richard?” “A sentence with two appositive phrases in it?”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzMUrB-Um1Y

      Added by arunaharsa arunaharsa almost 5 years ago

        5

        Zynga

        A word used to describe the flashing and annoying ads which consume the lower 1/3 of your phone's screen.

        Bro #1: Taking my phone to the shop, there's this weird Zynga on my screen that refuses to go away.
        Bro #2: Ha, I had to throw mine in the trash to get rid of it.

        Added by That_Guy That_Guy almost 5 years ago

          7

          Escape Velocity

          Speed at which meaningless buzzwords escape the lips of Pebble-wearing hipster entrepreneurs and Fitbit-wearing overweight VCs, when talking about rapidly growing start ups. Currently clocked at an average of 240 wpm.

          VC: How do you plan to achieve your projected engagement numbers?
          Entrepreneur: We plan to hack together a MVP by leveraging weekly Scrums and neutralize our burn r...
          VC: I think you just achieved escape velocity.

          Added by That_Guy That_Guy almost 5 years ago

            6

            Uber Funded

            When your startup is funded from the side cash made off of Uber driving.

            Zayne: Have you guys raised a round of funding?

            Pan: We are in fact, Uber funded.

            Zayne: Right...congrats?

            Added by HalfLife3 HalfLife3 almost 5 years ago

              5

              Lava Pressure

              Intentionally making your life worse every time your startup doesn't pass a milestone.

              Reynolds keeps putting lava pressure on his team by smashing a monitor everytime their company doesn't gain 10% more users in a given month.

              Added by HalfLife3 HalfLife3 almost 5 years ago