Janitor at startup
The title an asshole CEO (generally a sole founder) puts on their Linkedin title to show they have the ability to fire anybody.
Random dude: Where do you work?
Albert: I am at the greatest game company around called BigVikingGames
Random dude: Cool, what do you do there?
Albert: I am the janitor, I just take out the trash!
Random dude: cool story bro
timferris over 9 years agoHow Do You Like Them Apples
A dorky (and almost non-sensical) Bay Area expression often used, when Apple releases a new version of their products, in an attempt to belittle someone else's older model and mock the slow pace in which they've adopted the new product.
Originally taken out of context from a popular scene of the film, Good Will Hunting, where Matt Damon slaps a post-it note onto a diner window proclaiming his superiority after getting a girl's phone number.
I just got the iWatch 2 bitches. How do you like them apples?
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoThe LinkedIn Endorsement Poke
When someone you barely know adds you on LinkedIn and endorses you for skills they don't even know you have in an attempt to get attention or get you to endorse them for stuff back.
I hate adding people on LinkedIn because I get LinkedIn Endorsement pokes as soon as I add people. I'm an Android developer and for some reason I have 40 more endorsements for Objective C then I do Android.
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoSlack Overflow
The state of perpetual notification pinging on each of your devices as a result of participating in way too many Slack channels.
Alice: Why did you need to take a mental health day yesterday?
Bob: Slack Overflow.
ruby32 over 9 years agoPre-Revenue
The bullshit an entrepreneur spews to investors to convince them of a high valuation since the seed money will allow the startup to grow immeasurably. Usually followed by more bullshit, greater valuations and eventually and a low revenue to evaluation ratio and companies which never attain revenues to justify their evaluation.
Currently the greatest contribution to the startup bubble.
Person A: How can that startup afford golden toilets and helicopter rides to work? Person B: Of course they can, they are pre-revenue and focusing on growth!
JonWilkins over 9 years ago
Apportunity
When a mobile app has the capability to improve or perform a commonly desired action.
This is a great apportunity- a way to use our smart phones to decrease lines at the DMV by allowing reservations.
Robert Urban over 9 years agoBig Data
When your database takes at least 2 minutes to export to a CSV.
Engineer: "Our mongo collection hit 1 million records a few moments ago."
Hiring Manager: "Great, now I can post this position for a Big Data Engineer on Hacker News."
planningtime over 9 years agoHardware Engineer
A generally hardworking engineer who works on designing and building physical products after years of dedication to a certain field.
Mistakes they make are very costly since they can't recompile or release a hotfix
Software engineer: I always wanted to do hardware but I heard it is tough Hardware engineer: If it was easy it would be called easyware!
Mrandrewandrade over 9 years agoPre-Revenue
The purist form of startup. A startup that is valued for billions of dollars without recording any sales revenue. Typically, less revenue demonstrates a higher valuation by "Early Stage Investors"
Investor: 'What's your revenue model?'
Founder: 'At the moment, we are pre-revenue...we are focused on user acquisition and securing a unicorn valuation for our Series A'
healpay over 9 years agoTo Twinder
To use Twitter with the primary purpose of trying to hook up with guys or girls in a similar manner one would use Tinder.
Liz has been twindering all day, tweeting at Professional Golf Athletes she has a huge crushes on.
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoThe Drapple Music Switch
When one gives the impression that they'll be endorsing or working for a newer independent company, but at the last minute takes a check and signs with a larger already well-established one. The expression combines Drake, a popular hip hop artist, and Apple Music, which many rumor Drake signed with at the last minute snubbing Jay Z and his "startup" Tidal, which many are now presuming to fail.
Leona gave the impression that she'd be joining our startup as the new CTO, but at the last minute she pulled a Drapple Music Switch and ended up taking a job at Google X instead.
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoHack Hacking
There are multiple definitions:
1) The process of hacking a hack - the good
2) The process of hacking off a hacker or hack (loser) - the bad
3) The process of hacking a hacker - the ugly
Depending on how you use this term you're either doing something:
1) Good - hacks are usually good, but if you're hacking a hack, it means you're trying to improve it
2) Bad - killing people is never a good thing, no matter if they're a good hacker, bad backer, or hack of a human being
3) Ugly - improving people is always a good endeavour, but it can get ugly because the hacker may already be the good kind of hacker. But even still, improving another human being is always a very subjectively ugly thing to do.
Person A - man what a world, we've got hacking, growth hacking, life hacking, travel hacking, productivity hacking, what's next?
Person B - Hack Hacking!
Person A - Is this anything similar to Smart Smart or Techtech?
Person B - No don't worry, but I have to ask, which demo would you prefer? The Good, the Bad, or the Ugly version?
Person A - Um, the Good of course!
Person B - Man, you're no fun! "begrudgingly hides the axe he had behind his back into his backpack and brings out an algorithm that improves on a previously innovative algorithm that calculates how fast a human being can jerk off 4 dudes at once"
tosfan4ever over 9 years agoNarwhal
Definition #1: A Canadian Unicorn!
Definition #2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykwqXuMPsoc
American Founder - My startup is now officially a Unicorn!
Canadian Founder - My startup is now officially a Narwhal!
European Founder - Um Mr. American entrepreneur, if you may excuse me for a moment... the Unicorn is of European-origin, but if you like your horned mythical beasts so much, you can have the Jackalope!
Russia Founder - North Americans have messed with the Russians for far too long, the Narwhal is ours!
Canadian Founder - Oh sorry about (yes we say "about", not "aboot") that, how about we share?
tosfan4ever over 9 years agoPrivate Beta
When a startup requires an invite to use their product but invite codes are handed out like candy. Used to appear favorably to investors because it implies there were at least some users that wanted to use their product but couldn't get in.
Founder: Guys we are in private beta right now but if you use invite code TRYME you will have access. Don't share with your friends though. Make sure you don't share
zazpowered over 9 years agoNo Free Lunch
A theorem which states that tech companies offering not free lunch are making profit off their employees.
Commonly used by companies such as amazon, Microsoft and Apple to get overpaid staff's salary back
Founder: I had an alternative stream of revenue idea using no free lunch theorem Co-founder: worked for Apple and Amazon, should work for us!
JonWilkins over 9 years agoSmart Smart
The state of being so smart that you're smart is smarted to the smartest degree! In other words, it's when you've been able to hook your brain to the internet in a desperate attempt to make you smarter.
Just think of it like this: Internet of Things + Your Brain = Smart Smart
Person A - man what a world, we've got smart phones, smart TVs, smart watches, smart frying pans, smart dildos, smart this, smart that, what's next?
Person B - the Smart Smart!
Person A - what the hell's that?
Person B - it's best for me to give you a demo.
Person A - Um, how are you gonna do that?
"Person B approaches Person A and in Matrix fashion, hooks a cable to the back of his neck and watches Person A squirm until he's dead... uh I mean connected to the internet"
tosfan4ever over 9 years agoZombie Mode
A state of minimal eye or head movement while looking at a phone. Frequently observed during your morning commute to work on BART, subway or bus. If you look up once in a while to observe your surroundings you are not in zombie mode.
Jason: Hey do you see that guy sitting over there. That's my dad. Why is taking the bus right now.
Tim: Sorry say that again. I wasn't listening
zazpowered over 9 years agoTechtech
The process of adding a technological component to the technology industry that hasn't been done before. In other words, creating software applications for software applications.
Think Apps + Apps = more Apps = Techtech, or in other words - Techception
Person A - man what a world, we've got adtech, cleantech, edtech, fashtech, fintech, foodtech, govtech, this tech, that tech, what's next?
Person B - Techtech!
Person A - what the hell's that?
Person B - well how about I give you a demo?
Person A - "backs away knowing what happened last time when Person B demo'ed the Smart Smart"
"Person B takes out his smart phone to display an app whose avatar is using an app that is using the same app that Person B is using"
tosfan4ever over 9 years agoThe LinkedIn Endorsement Burn
Passive aggressively endorsing someone on LinkedIn for a menial skill such as Microsoft Word, while purposely ignoring their more relevant talents in things like Ruby on Rails or Objective C in an attempt to belittle them.
Gilfoil got LinkedIn endorsement burned by Zeeshan when he purposely decided to only endorse him for Microsoft Powerpoint, even though he's a senior engineer at Pied Piper with a wide array of talents.
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoDave Ratio
It's very difficult to achieve gender parity at a startup, given the toxic culture. The next best metric, is to compare the number of men named dave, to the number of women. Reference
Alex: It's hard finding a company that has a reasonable number of women.
Kourtney: Have you tried working at a company with a 10:1 dave ratio?
oakland_mike over 9 years ago
This is immediately followed by the http://svdictionary.com/words/down-round, and then the http://svdictionary.com/words/incredible-journey.