Microsoft Word
A skill people add to their Linkedin profile that instantly tells you, with 100% accuracy, that they are not tech savvy.
Harold: I have Microsoft Word and Excel listed on my Linkedin profile with approximately 50 endorsements each and I'm not getting any responses to my tech job applications. Did I apply with the wrong email?
zazpowered over 9 years agoEnterprise
Adj. -- a synonym for "takes longer, but for way more money"
Sales: "The enterprise sales cycle takes months, but we're talking about whales here."
Manager: "All right, we've IPO'd now. It's time to adhere to enterprise process standards."
Engineer: "The enterprise module is going to be a huge effort, but if you're sure it'll be worth it..."
Sales & Engineering: "Does that mean we get raises?"
employeeNumbaOne over 9 years agoLava Pressure
Intentionally making your life worse every time your startup doesn't pass a milestone.
Reynolds keeps putting lava pressure on his team by smashing a monitor everytime their company doesn't gain 10% more users in a given month.
HalfLife3 over 9 years agoLogo Wingman
When an employee of a hot pre-IPO company purposely wears a lot of corporate swag to attract the opposite sex.
Richard: Yesterday I was talking to this woman at the bar and I purposely tilted my body so she could get a glance at the Uber logo on my sweatshirt. My backpack had Uber on it too. No response. I mean I didn't initiate conversation but I thought that would be enough.
zazpowered over 9 years agoTo the moon
A phrase often used by those in the cryptocurrency community. Usually used when the value of currency goes up high very rapidly.
Bitcoin Jackson: WOW! One bitcoin is now worth $900! And it's only gonna go up! Up to the right and to the moon!! A month later.... Bitcoin John: Hey Jackson, so I heard that you made a ton of money from bitcoins. Did you invest at its peak?
Bitcoin Jackson: yeah.... about that... I don't want to talk about it.
svhunt over 9 years agoBug
A bug is a flaw in software that causes an unintended result. Most bugs arise from errors in written code, rather than from a computer itself. Due to the prevalence of engineer-created bugs, some programmers sardonically refer to their bugs as "surprise features".
Albert: Is there a bug in your code? I can't log into my account.
Justin: That's a feature. The site is telling you to go outside and take walk.
xmangoslushie over 9 years agoEditor War
Refers to the rivalry between users of the Emacs and Vi text editors.
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pygmyknight over 9 years ago
How Do You Like Them Apples
A dorky (and almost non-sensical) Bay Area expression often used, when Apple releases a new version of their products, in an attempt to belittle someone else's older model and mock the slow pace in which they've adopted the new product.
Originally taken out of context from a popular scene of the film, Good Will Hunting, where Matt Damon slaps a post-it note onto a diner window proclaiming his superiority after getting a girl's phone number.
I just got the iWatch 2 bitches. How do you like them apples?
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoCache of Innovation
A hyper localized and typically rural subset of engineers who choose to live places other than silicon valley and are exploited by politicians as examples of economic development.
Andy: Montana has a cache of innovation ready to explode.
Dave: Don't they still work work for bay area companies and just work remotely?
Andy: That's not the point. Programmers are the key to renewed economic development.
client4 over 9 years agoTo Get Eduardofucked
Getting your equity diluted, while thinking that no one in the company hates you enough to fuck you over. This happened to a Facebook founder, Eduordo Saverin, by Mark Zuckerberg and Sean Parker. Goes under Zuckerberging and pretty much why he sued the fuck out of Facebook and Mark later on.
Let's Eduardofuck a bunch of Stanford MBAs who can do marketing and who don't know how cap tables work. We can promise them dilutable common stock and save a ton of money.
HalfLife3 over 9 years ago
VR Critical Mass Prison
A metaphorical prison for people who've dedicated more than 2 years of their lives on Virtual Reality startups whose sole existence in the future depends on VR devices reaching critical mass. If it doesn't, they are screwed.
Jaime quit making iPhone apps and started developing games on VR. He plays hundreds of hours of Team Fortress 2 every week to escape the fact that he is in VR Critical Mass Prison.
yungsnuggie about 9 years agoMike Judge
Saving our country from itself since Idiocracy.
Patron Saint of all SV ludicrousness. Evidence: http://www.theinquirer.net/inquirer/news/2356389/top-10-silicon-valley-quotes-minimum-viable-product
svbiz over 9 years agoPaaS
Platform as a Service. Provides a platform for developers to deploy and manage web applications without them having to worry about the underlying infrastructure.
Heroku is a popular PaaS
zazpowered over 9 years agoit should be > Platform as a Service. Provides a platform for developers to deploy and manage web applications without them having to worry about the underlying infrastructure, but the platform.
The Steve Jobs Diet
A dietary regimen containing mostly fruits, nuts, seeds, vegetables and grains with a higher to average ratio of apples and carrots. Absolutely no animal products.
I decided to go on the Steve Jobs Diet because Steve is my icon. That's why there are only apples and carrots in the house.
yungsnuggie over 9 years agoMilestone
Common term used to communicate between founders and investors the goals they intend on passing. Milestones are sometimes used in determination for future funding worth.
Draymond's company passed all it's milestones so the investors were happy to write him a check for the next round.
HalfLife3 over 9 years agoZombie Mode
A state of minimal eye or head movement while looking at a phone. Frequently observed during your morning commute to work on BART, subway or bus. If you look up once in a while to observe your surroundings you are not in zombie mode.
Jason: Hey do you see that guy sitting over there. That's my dad. Why is taking the bus right now.
Tim: Sorry say that again. I wasn't listening
zazpowered over 9 years agoGenius
Someone who works at an Apple Genius Bar to fix and teach you how to use your Macbooks and iPhones
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zazpowered over 9 years agoWyle E. Coyote is a super genius.
Paas could be the Easter egg coloring Platform as a Service.