6

That's Startup Life

The default response whenever someone talks about how shitty being an entrepreneur is.

Kim: I've been working for the past 15 hours, can't afford anything but Taco Bell and investors are telling me they want to circle back in a few months. We all know what that means. This sucks.
Matthew: That's startup life. What do you expect?

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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6

The Five Dollar Footlong Lean Startup Diet

When a startup founder lives off of five dollar foot long sandwiches to save money for his or her early stage venture. They buy a single five dollar foot long subway sandwich, eat half of it in the afternoon and the other half at dinner.

Since Julius is on the five dollar day long diet, he only eats footlong subway sandwiches everyday to conserve his companies startup money. It's kind of sad.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

6

Cloud

Also known as "The Internet".

Bill: "I'm currently working in Cloud-Based Employment Solutions Research."
Ted: "Are you looking for a job on Craigslist?"
Bill: "....yes."

Added by benjamin_james benjamin_james over 2 years ago

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6

Deliverables

A startup uses this word when it's no longer a startup

"Hey congrats on the series B!"
"Thanks! Are your deliverables in yet?"

Added by orien orien over 2 years ago

6

4 Year Vesting

You get a percentage of a total amount of stock allocation that cashes in yearly intervals until your 4th year.

Also another way of saying "I know it's tempting to leave, but we want you to stay while you're still young."

Zeeshan: You should start your own company. You're smart enough and have know enough people to recruit a strong founding team.
Kunal: Definitely! We should! I just need to wait until I'm 30 and my shares at Pied Piper vest!
Zeeshan: That's how they get you.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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6

Adblock Competenacy Test

Checking to see if a person has enough basic knowledge to have installed adblock on their browser of choice.

After opening the link to the new Justin Bieber music video, George failed the Adblock Competency Test after waiting for a 30 second Honda commercial to end.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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6

Jeremy Lin

The perfect child. A Harvard graduate and now a player in the NBA. He is often used in reference by parents (especially in Palo Alto where he went to High School) to "motivate" their child to do better in all aspects of life.

Krishna Lee: Mom, I got into UCLA!
Mom: "WHY YOU NO LIKE JEREMY LIN. HE GO TO HARVARD AND PLAY IN NBA."

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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6

Worder

Anyone who use personal computers only for writing, just like a typewriter machine.

"Do you think he can upload these on the website?"
"Nah, he's just a worder!"

Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper over 2 years ago

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6

Post-LinkedIn Instacrushing

Being attracted to someone only after seeing their LinkedIn.

Jake: Did you know that Julia is employed at Square and got a 2300 SAT score when she was in High School? I'm in love with her.
George: Shut up Jake. You're so shallow, your just Post-LinkedIn Instacrushing on her.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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6

Big 4

For a software engineer this generally refers to Amazon, Facebook, Google and Microsoft.

If I don't get into a Big 4 my life is over. They are so prestigious

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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6

Slacking

Using a productivity tool called Slack to get work done or communicate with one's team. This can easily be confused to mean "not doing one's work."

Jack: You've been getting alot done.

James: Yeah man, I've been slacking all day.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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6

Facebook Reach

Facebook reach is the number of people that see posts from Facebook pages. Organic Facebook reach has dropped since Facebook made changes to their feed algorithm to encourage companies to buy ads promoting page posts.

It's almost pointless for our startup to promote our Facebook page because we will have to pay to get any Facebook reach.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

6

On Demand

Another way of saying "for lazy people."

Meals on demand. That's right, we're revolutionizing the way you get pizza.

Added by employeeNumbaOne employeeNumbaOne over 2 years ago

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6

VC Money

Modern day Robinhood.
Taking money from your parent's retirement pension and redistributing it to early adopters of technology in Silicon Valley.

Friend 1: "How do you have so many free meals from Munchery? Have you ever paid for a single meal?"
Friend 2: "Nope. VC Money"

Added by ljyx123 ljyx123 over 2 years ago

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6

Freemium

A strategy used by startups to make money by shoving as many people through the top of a funnel as possible and hoping some of them convert into paid users.

Matthew: Right now we have a shitty product that nobody will pay for. Lets release it for free so at least somebody will use it and then we can gradually improve it and charge them for extra services.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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6

My Code is Compiling

An excuse engineers use to do whatever the hell they want in the workplace.

Jimmy: Dude why are you riding your bike indoors, listening to Daft Punk with the speakers blasted, without any pants on?
Lewis: My code is compiling.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 2 years ago

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6

Linkedin

A publicly-traded spam-bot and click-bait machine. It will steal your contacts info and transmit spam to you and your contacts in perpetuity. The 'Unsubscribe' link in the email is only a placeholder. LinkedIn engineers deliberately did not code any action into the link click, because Fuck You!
Compelled by the torrent of spam, you will login to the web interface/app and have your news feed bombarded with Grade A click-bait from famous internet trolls such as Business Insider.

I recently signed up on LinkedIn and now my 100GB inbox is #reckt.

Added by That_Guy That_Guy over 2 years ago

  • blwinters blwinters

    Best thing I've read on SVD.

    1
    Reply
    over 2 years ago
  • charlesjo charlesjo

    Whoever wrote this definition, please endorse me.

    1
    Reply
    over 2 years ago
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6

Snack Dick

Like a regular dick but smaller and tucked behind the ear. Used by Dinesh on Silicon Valley to describe Pied Piper's logo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ze4JhsDiSWI

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 2 years ago

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6

Uber Funded

When your startup is funded from the side cash made off of Uber driving.

Zayne: Have you guys raised a round of funding?

Pan: We are in fact, Uber funded.

Zayne: Right...congrats?

Added by HalfLife3 HalfLife3 over 2 years ago

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6

Amazon

A company that sells groceries to the lazy, stock shares to the gullible, and cloud services to the lazy and gullible.

Amazon: because I want to buy my underwear and Redis clusters from the same company.

Added by firasd firasd over 2 years ago

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