6

4 Year Vesting

You get a percentage of a total amount of stock allocation that cashes in yearly intervals until your 4th year.

Also another way of saying "I know it's tempting to leave, but we want you to stay while you're still young."

Zeeshan: You should start your own company. You're smart enough and have know enough people to recruit a strong founding team.
Kunal: Definitely! We should! I just need to wait until I'm 30 and my shares at Pied Piper vest!
Zeeshan: That's how they get you.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 3 years ago

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6

The Five Dollar Footlong Lean Startup Diet

When a startup founder lives off of five dollar foot long sandwiches to save money for his or her early stage venture. They buy a single five dollar foot long subway sandwich, eat half of it in the afternoon and the other half at dinner.

Since Julius is on the five dollar day long diet, he only eats footlong subway sandwiches everyday to conserve his companies startup money. It's kind of sad.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 3 years ago

6

Cloud

Also known as "The Internet".

Bill: "I'm currently working in Cloud-Based Employment Solutions Research."
Ted: "Are you looking for a job on Craigslist?"
Bill: "....yes."

Added by benjamin_james benjamin_james over 3 years ago

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6

Technical Social Media Manager

Somebody who in addition to being able to retweet and favorite tweets mentioning their company's name also knows basic HTML.

I've managed to carve a nice niche for myself by learning how to bold text using html

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 3 years ago

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6

Narwhal

Definition #1: A Canadian Unicorn!

Definition #2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykwqXuMPsoc

American Founder - My startup is now officially a Unicorn!
Canadian Founder - My startup is now officially a Narwhal!
European Founder - Um Mr. American entrepreneur, if you may excuse me for a moment... the Unicorn is of European-origin, but if you like your horned mythical beasts so much, you can have the Jackalope!
Russia Founder - North Americans have messed with the Russians for far too long, the Narwhal is ours!
Canadian Founder - Oh sorry about (yes we say "about", not "aboot") that, how about we share?

Added by tosfan4ever tosfan4ever over 3 years ago

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6

Title Promotion

A title promotion is a like a normal promotion, except without any increase in compensation, whether salary or otherwise. This is typically used to make engineers feel more important and get them to do more work without actually paying them for it.

Calvin: I just got promoted to Senior Software Engineer! I get to manage a team and maintain existing code!
Jerry: Are you getting paid more?
Calvin: No, but think of how exciting this opportunity is!
Jerry: ...

Added by xmangoslushie xmangoslushie over 3 years ago

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6

Worder

Anyone who use personal computers only for writing, just like a typewriter machine.

"Do you think he can upload these on the website?"
"Nah, he's just a worder!"

Added by iamDeveloper iamDeveloper over 3 years ago

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6

Swoop n' Poop

When a stakeholder, manager, or client who has not been involved in the project drops into a meeting and adds extra functionality requirements or makes comments that change the scope.

Everything was going fine until Chad came in out of no where and pulled a "Swoop n' Poop". Now we are three days until deadline and have to scrap the whole thing!

Added by RobotCowboy RobotCowboy about 3 years ago

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6

Snack Dick

Like a regular dick but smaller and tucked behind the ear. Used by Dinesh on Silicon Valley to describe Pied Piper's logo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ze4JhsDiSWI

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 3 years ago

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6

McKinsey

A mythical land where MBAs come into our world.

"I just left McKinsey and moved to San Francisco"

Added by hello hello over 3 years ago

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6

Slacking

Using a productivity tool called Slack to get work done or communicate with one's team. This can easily be confused to mean "not doing one's work."

Jack: You've been getting alot done.

James: Yeah man, I've been slacking all day.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 3 years ago

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6

Facebook Reach

Facebook reach is the number of people that see posts from Facebook pages. Organic Facebook reach has dropped since Facebook made changes to their feed algorithm to encourage companies to buy ads promoting page posts.

It's almost pointless for our startup to promote our Facebook page because we will have to pay to get any Facebook reach.

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 3 years ago

6

Amazon

A company that sells groceries to the lazy, stock shares to the gullible, and cloud services to the lazy and gullible.

Amazon: because I want to buy my underwear and Redis clusters from the same company.

Added by firasd firasd over 3 years ago

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6

VC Money

Modern day Robinhood.
Taking money from your parent's retirement pension and redistributing it to early adopters of technology in Silicon Valley.

Friend 1: "How do you have so many free meals from Munchery? Have you ever paid for a single meal?"
Friend 2: "Nope. VC Money"

Added by ljyx123 ljyx123 over 3 years ago

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6

Tinder Binge

When a person spends immense amount of time swiping right, in an attempt to get any match available regardless of attraction.

Ever since I've broken up with Mary, I've been on a Tinder binge trying to find someone...anyone.

Added by yungsnuggie yungsnuggie over 3 years ago

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6

One Dollar Billionaire

Refers to the $1 a year salary that a lot of founders and top executives take on for tax benefits. It's also because who really cares about salary when you have a billion dollars.

Mark Zuckerberg: I make $1 a year. You know what that means

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 3 years ago

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6

Beta-Pig

Some sad-sack SME client who agrees to QA your shitty, half-built, poorly-coded, likely useless, new product or functionality.

See also: Pivot http://svdictionary.com/words/pivot

"So you're telling me... you want to dabble outside your core business without any clear plan nor the requisite skills and use my firm as your free QA Beta-Pig? No goddamn way. Oh you won't charge us? Why didn't you say so? I'll pull our dev team off current OKRs to take advantage of this incredible opportunity. Thank you so much for thinking of us."

Added by IPLobby.com IPLobby.com over 3 years ago

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6

Tweetstorm

When somebody wants to tweet something that is more than 140 characters but is not considerate enough to link to a blog post or use an image. Tweets in a tweetstorm are generally numbered and look like a mini essay in your Twitter feed.

http://avc.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/ts-1.jpg

Added by zazpowered zazpowered over 3 years ago

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6

Linkedin

A publicly-traded spam-bot and click-bait machine. It will steal your contacts info and transmit spam to you and your contacts in perpetuity. The 'Unsubscribe' link in the email is only a placeholder. LinkedIn engineers deliberately did not code any action into the link click, because Fuck You!
Compelled by the torrent of spam, you will login to the web interface/app and have your news feed bombarded with Grade A click-bait from famous internet trolls such as Business Insider.

I recently signed up on LinkedIn and now my 100GB inbox is #reckt.

Added by That_Guy That_Guy over 3 years ago

  • blwinters blwinters

    Best thing I've read on SVD.

    1
    Reply
    over 3 years ago
  • charlesjo charlesjo

    Whoever wrote this definition, please endorse me.

    1
    Reply
    over 3 years ago
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6

Venture Dunce

A "VC" outside of the Bay Area that has little to no experience in software/hardware, enterprise, and consumer plays. Often seen funding the nth food delivery market place or Uber meets bicycles. The dumb money that keeps many startups fed.

Just raised $10mm from the Venture Dunce for my Uber meets Chinese food delivery. Hope he doesn't visit the Bay Area much.

Added by 15years 15years over 3 years ago

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